


Wrens And Fireflies

by TheseusInTheMaze



Series: Plausible Deniability [4]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Arguments, Birth, Blood, Breastfeeding, Cunnilingus, Long, Marriage, Multi, New parenthood, Pansexual Character, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Threesome, abortion (mention), birth control discussion, cancer mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 14:36:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10618977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Even more adventures in polyamory, and the interesting places life take Holly and her partners.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HerbertBest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/gifts).



As far as boyfriends went, Dan was pretty good.

He remembered Holly’s favorite foods, he didn’t get (that) jealous about her other partners, he helped her with craft projects, he wasn’t stingy with orgasms. 

And, most importantly at the moment, he was here. 

Holding her hand and trying to distract her.

While her feet were up in stirrups, and a doctor was removing her IUD. 

“So then, it’s raining, right, and so I’m not even wearing a shirt, because I’d gotten hit with this bolt of chivalry and had given it to this poor woman who had spilled hot sauce all over hers, and she had just gotten her nipples tattooed that day, so she couldn’t have hot sauce on that, obviously - “

“S-s-such a gentleman,” Holly mumbled, and then she sobbed, as Dan squeezed her fingers.

She wasn’t going to think about what all of that felt like, because it was horrible and she didn’t want to. 

“I do my best,” said Dan. 

“Sing to me,” Holly said, impulsively, because the doctor was doing… something, and it was immensely unpleasant.

“What do you want me to sing?”

“I don’t care,” Holly said thickly, squeezing his hand harder. His fingers were starting creak. 

He began to hum, and her fingers found the tattoo on his wrist, and she stroked across them, tracing the lines of the pigeon. Her other hand went to the necklace he’d gotten her on Valentine’s, the little bird holding the heart. She rubbed her fingers across the point of the heart, concentrating on the feeling of it under the pad of her thumb. 

He smiled at her, and her chest got a little tighter, which was a lot nicer to concentrate on. 

She’d get through this. 

* * * 

Later on, at home, she curled up on the couch, texting Suzy as Dan and Ross puttered about the kitchen, getting dinner ready.

_How bad was it?_

_Pretty bad. I might not be up for any sexy stuff for a bit._

_I can live with that. Just as long as you feel better._

_ <3 _

_ <3 _

“Someone’s having a gooey conversation,” said Ross, as he came in with a plate full of stir fry - veggie for her, chicken for him and Dan. 

“I’m sorry, mister ‘I popped a boner because my datemate sent me a picture of their new bedroom,’” said Holly, grabbing her plate. 

Ross blushed. 

“Who’s got a boner?” Dan flopped onto the couch on her other side, his thigh against hers. 

“You, usually,” said Holly. 

“Can’t really deny that,” Dan said amicably, beginning to dig into his meal. “So what are we watching? No, Orph, this is my dinner.”

“Don’t feed him anything,” said Holly quickly, as the black cat purred around Dan’s ankles.

“I won’t, don’t worry,” said Dan, and he kissed her temple. “C’mon, let’s get this movie started.”

She only half finished her dinner, and she fell asleep holding Dan’s hand, her head on Ross’s shoulder. 

Today had sucked, but it was getting better. 

* * * 

Holly woke up with Dan cuddled up to her in bed, sore between the legs. She sighed, and she snuggled up closer to him. 

It was a good thing she’d taken today off.

Dan was cuddled up to her, and she stood up, wincing. She walked - slowly - towards the kitchen, and took out a bag of frozen peas. She grabbed a tea towel to go with it, and made her way back to the bed. 

Ross was already up and out - Dan didn’t have to do anything in the Grump space or work on anything for NSP - so Holly just returned to bed, where Dan was flat on his back, his morning wood hard enough to leave a damp lump in his underwear. 

Holly lay on her back, the peas (wrapped in the towel) between her legs. She flopped onto her back, staring at the ceiling and closing her eyes in hopes of falling asleep. 

That wasn’t really going to happen, because now Dan was snuggling up to her, his head on her chest, his legs wrapping around her thigh, nuzzling into her neck. 

“Hi, fuzzface,” said Holly, as Dan kissed along her jaw. 

“Hi, pigeon,” said Holly. 

His cock was prodding her hip. 

“I am not doing anything with Excalibur today,” said Holly. “I’m sorry, just… no. My bits are a bit done.”

“I wasn’t going to ask you to do anything with him,” said Dan, and she watched as he reached into his boxers, palming his cock. 

“I’m really weirded out by the fact that you seem to have ascribed a personality to your dick,” said Holly. 

“You call your strap on “he,”” Dan pointed out, and he reached over for her. “Can I play with your boobs?”

“Sure,” Holly said, shoving her shirt up around her chin.

Why not? 

She rolled onto her side, and he did as well, looking at her with shining eyes.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” said Dan, and he licked his lips.

“I might call my strap on ‘he’, but it’s not attached to me,” said Holly, and she bit her lip as Dan took a handful of breast, squeezing it. The pendant of her necklace landed on the back of his hand.

“It is when you’re wearing it,” Dan’ pointed out. He squeezed it again, and jiggled it, licking his lips. His other hand was busy between his legs. 

He was sticking his tongue out, the way he did when he was concentrating very hard on something that required fine motor skills, and it took a lot of effort not to start giggling.

“What’s so funny?” Dan must have caught sight of her face.

“You look like you’re trying to remember your multiplication tables,” said Holly. 

“Well, I think I still remember them,” said Dan. He gently pushed her onto her back, and got up on his knees, so that he was more or less towering over her, his knee pressed into her side. “God, how are you so beautiful?”

He was beginning to turn pink, and his hand was moving faster. 

“You say that to all the girls who let you jerk off on them,” Holly teased.

“Oo, can I jerk off on you?” Dan licked his lips. 

“If you clean it up,” said Holly, “and maybe give me some cunnilingus in… a few days?”

“Do you want me to write you an IOU?” 

Holly snorted, and attempted to do a sexy shimmy.

That just jostled things that didn’t want to be jostled, and she groaned, going still. 

“Sure,” she said, not really listening. She kept her eyes on him, and she licked her lips - he was always so amazing, when he jerked off. She couldn’t get enough of it. 

His face went loose, his mouth tightening up. His brow furrowed, and his eyes kept darting to her face to her breasts, to his hand on her belly, warm and dry.

He came across her stomach with a surprised noise, slumping back onto his heels as more of it spurted across, a bit of it sinking into her navel, which… okay, no. 

“Wow,” Dan mumbled, panting. “Was it good for you, baby?”

Holly snorted, and shoved him. 

* * * 

A few hours later, when she came in from feeding the birds, and Dan had gone off to work, she came back into the bedroom. 

There was a lovely piece of fancy stationary on her pillow. When she lifted it up, she sniffed it, and found it scented with violets. 

It said, in fancy writing that no doubt made Dan’s hand cramp up - 

_I, Dan Avidan, owe you, Holly Conrad, one (1) cunnilingus session._

He signed it, in a ridiculous fancy hand.

Holly was still chuckling as she went out to feed the cats. 

* * * 

“Hi, tweethearts, how’s it goin’? Sorry the video was late - I had a health emergency. So today, we’re gonna do a nice mail day!” 

* * * 

Holly woke up two weeks later, and she groaned. 

She was completely fine between the legs - she was even horny, which was nice - but her nose was stuffed up, her chest tight and her throat sore.

“Noooo,” Holly groaned, and Ross made a sleep noise, nuzzling her cheek. 

“Noooo?” Ross kissed her temple, and Dan stirred next to her other side.

He slept around - sometimes in his own bed, sometimes in the bed that he shared with Ross and Holly. 

Although they shared all of them, so it wasn’t exactly his bed, but still. 

“I’ve got the plague,” Holly grumbled, and she got up, puttering around the house. 

She was going to get laid. Even if she had to dose up on twenty different types of cold medicine, she was going to climb into her boyfriend’s lap and ride him like a goddamn mechanical bull. 

Of course, before any kind of fun stuff can happen, all the important stuff needs to happen first. So she fed the pigeons, fed the cats, fed Pancake, cleaned up….

She took a swig of cough syrup, before she got anything done, and then she was finally _done_. 

Ross was camped out at the kitchen table with his sketchbook and a distracted expression. 

“Have fun,” he told her, when she bent down to kiss him.

“Am I that obvious?” 

“You’ve got that look,” said Ross. 

“I have a look?” 

“You have a lot of looks.”

She kissed him again, then made her way back to the bedroom.

Dan was still sleeping, snoring quietly.

She crawled into bed with Dan, and she began to kiss along his neck. 

“Mmm?” Dan finally came awake, blinking over at her. He tugged her closer, and he kissed her, then made a face. “You taste like fuckin’ cough syrup.”

“It’d make sense,” said Holly, “considering i took a swig of it.” 

“Why would you do a thing like that?” 

“I’ve got the plague,” said Holly. “Although now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Nah,” said Dan. “I’m sleeping right next to you. I’ve been breathing in your germy germs.”

“You saying my germs are more germy than yours?” 

Dan snorted, and his hand moved to her ass. 

“How’s Excalibur?” Holly reached down to squeeze his dick, gently. 

“He’s… quite glad to see you,” said Dan, and he was grinning at her. “Always happy to see _you_ , darlin’.” 

“The way you personify your penis weirds me out,” said Holly. 

“But not enough to turn you off of it, huh?” His hand slid into her pajama shorts, and he squeezed her vulva, the heel of his hand right up against her clit. 

“Few things would scare me away from your cock,” said Holly, and she ground down against him. “Are you gonna fuck me?”

“There are few things I’d like to do more,” said Dan, and his expression was utterly sincere that it tightened something in Holly’s chest. 

Who even knew, if it was some kind of deep love, or if it was sexual arousal, or both?

She pushed him onto his back, and she climbed up, digging her knees into his side. 

He shuffled upright, and he leaned back against the headboard, his hands on her hips. 

“You should take your shirt off,” said Dan. “You know. For the greater good.”

“The greater good,” Holly said flatly, and she pulled her shirt up and off. “Oh! Don’t forget the condom!”

“... right,” said Dan, and he leaned over, nearly unseating her as he groped around in the drawer for a condom. “Okay.” 

“Sorry,” Holly said, and then she hated herself for saying it. 

Why should she apologize?

“Don’t be,” Dan said, meeting her eyes and smiling his goofy smile. “Just… scoot back for a second.”

“Right,” said Holly, and she did as instructed, sitting on his bony knees. 

He slid the condom on carefully, and it was, as always, oddly delicate, his face a mask of concentration. 

He wasn’t quite as rip-roaring to go - she knew he’d exchanged handies with Ross in the shower the other night, and who even knew what he and Arin got up to together. 

But who cared, because he was pulling her over, lining up, and then they were sinking together, his cock inside of her, her pussy all around him. 

“Oh,” Dan said, and he had that same enraptured, slightly surprised face he always wore when he first entered her. 

It had been two years, and he still wore that face. 

She knew there was a reason she kept him around.

Although wow, she must have been really addled by all of this, as she rode his cock, her whole head filled with… sweet fog, with his face, his scent, with everything about everything. 

Everything was… going a bit fuzzy, honestly, but his thumb had found her clit, and he was bouncing her, doing all the work, and she just rested against his chest, moaning in his ear and trying to roll her hips in time with his, as one hand pressed on her hip, and his fingers pushed against her clit, until it was all a jumble, of his hair against her cheek, his cock inside of her, and she was cumming, she was cumming so hard, and where had it come from? 

Things went a bit hazy - she felt him cum inside of her, into the condom, whispering that he loved her, and then he chuckled into her hair, his lips damp with her sweat. 

“Am I boring you, babe?” 

“Cough syrup,” Holly mumbled, her nose pressed into his neck, taking deep breaths of his dry, cinnamon scent, mixed in with her own sweat.

He smelled like home. 

“You wanna get off of me and go back to sleep?”

“In a minute,” she mumbled, snuggling closer, her hands tangled in his hair. 

“Anything for you, precious.” 

She was smiling as she passed into dream land, his cock still hard inside of her. 

* * * 

She woke up, a few hours later, with Dan sprawled out next to her, fiddling with his phone. She was a bit sticky between the legs, but otherwise she felt, more or less, like a human being. 

“How long was I out?” Holly sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning. She stretched expansively, her back crackling. 

She was… she was well and truly rested, stretched and comfortable in more ways than she could begin to describe. 

“Not too long,” said Dan. “And you looked like you needed it.”

“Was I that bad?”

“Well,” Dan said, and he was grinning, a bit self conscious, “if you hadn’t mentioned the whole cough syrup thing, I might have been a bit insulted that you fell asleep as I gifted you with the glory that is Excalibur.”

“You didn’t gift me Excalibur,” said Holly, draping herself against his side. “You’ve still got him attached.” She gave him a squeeze between the legs, and he squirmed. “You loaned him out.”

“It could be argued it’s more of a timeshare situation,” Dan said, “between you, Arin, and Ross. Or… no.” He was seriously getting into the metaphor. Oh, Dan. “No, you’re the owner, they rent it out sometimes.”

“I’m the owner of your penis,” Holly said, deadpan. “Does that mean I can lock it up or pierce it or something?”

“... I’d rather you didn’t,” Dan said, putting his hand on her back and cuddling her closer. “It operates pretty well as is. Doesn’t need any additions.”

“You don’t want a nice tattoo on it? We could make it so that you’ve got a unicorn thing going.”

“Unicorn thing? How would that even work?”

“Well,” said Holly, putting her head on his chest and wrapping her legs around his middle, “we could tattoo a unicorn on your groin, then, like, tattoo a spiral along your dick, so it’s like a unicorn horn.”

“... that would be one ugly ass unicorn,” said Dan, after a moment of thought. “It’d have, like, balls for a nose.”

“Wouldn’t want testicle noses,” mumbled Holly. Her eyes were drifting shut. 

How could she still be so damn tired? 

“Just go back to sleep,” Dan murmured. “It’ll do you some good.” 

“Yes, sir,” Holly mumbled, pressing her face into his chest hair and sighing. 

He kissed the top of her head, and she drifted off, his scent surrounding her. 

* * * 

“Hey tweethearts, how’s it goin’? So for a heads up, we’ve got a whole bunch of cons coming up, so I’m gonna be staggering these. It is _super_ late here, and we’ve just gotten started….” 

* * * 

“Hey, Holly?” 

“Hm?” 

“Can I ask an awkward question?” 

Holly looked at Suzy, upside down, as Suzy separated her hair into plaits and braiding it together. 

“Go for it,” said Holly, half drowsing from Suzy’s gentle ministrations. 

“What kinda birth control are you going to use? I know you don’t like the pill, and you mentioned no more IUDs….”

“Yeah, I need to look into that,” Holly murmured, leaning her head against Suzy’s thighs. 

“But we don’t have to worry about it,” Suzy said, and her hands moved down, to squeeze Holly’s breasts. 

Holly moaned, leaning back against her. 

It had been a while since she’d gotten some proper sexing - beyond some half asleep fingering from Dan, or some heavy makeouts with Ross.

Everyone had just been too busy, or too tired. They had finally - finally! - finished all the cons for the next few months, leaving Holly some time to herself.

To top it all off, she had been fighting off some kind of new food allergy - something in her diet was making her sick, and it was getting to the point where she was going to have to go to a lab.

At least it seemed to be settling down, somewhat. She’d even managed to keep down her breakfast for three days in a row!

“You’re in your head, baby,” Suzy murmured, kissing along Holly’s neck at the awkward angle. She gave Holly’s nipple a twist, and Holly gasped, and then whimpered. 

“Okay, ow, hold on.” Holly put her arms over her breasts, shoving Suzy’s hands away. 

“What’s wrong?” Suzy sat on the floor next to her, wearing a concerned expression. 

“They’re super sore,” said Holly. “I think my period is due.” 

“Oh.” Suzy made a sympathetic face. “Is anything else sore?”

“Just my stomach,” said Holly. 

“How about a nice back rub?” Suzy nuzzled into Holly’s cheek. “I could cover you all up in lotion and work out all the tension in your back….”

“What do you get out of this?” Holly lolled back against Suzy, as Suzy kissed along her neck.

“I get to pamper my super hot girlfriend,” Suzy said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “and I get to put my hands all over her.”

“Can I eat you out, at least?” Holly kissed Suzy back, rubbing noses with her. 

“I don’t want you eating me out to be an “at least,”” Suzy huffed. 

“Fair. Well… would you like me to eat you out?” 

“Mostly I wanna get my hands on that gorgeous bod,” Suzy said, putting on a goofy voice.

Holly snorted, but she let Suzy stand up to go find her lotions. 

* * * 

“You smell like the inside of a Lush,” Ross mumbled, burrowing closer to Holly, his nose in the crook of her neck and his hands on her tummy. His dick was hard against her butt, but he didn’t seem to be paying much attention to it. 

“Versus the outside of a Lush?” She yawned and stretched, her back arching. It ground her ass against his erection, which was always amusing. 

“Well, you don’t smell like a mall,” Ross said, and he slid his hand under her shirt, to pet her bare skin. He was starting to grind, but not very hard. It was the kind of chill, lazy sex that can only come from a lot of time together. 

“They’re not just at malls,” said Holly. “Sometimes they’re in other places. I know there’s one in a subway station.She reached down, feeling his cock through his pants. “You wanna try doing anything?”

“You’ve got your appointment on Thursday, right?” Ross moaned, as she squeezed his cock. “I’m not even gonna comment on you not smelling like a subway station.”

“Yeah,” Holly murmured, and she rolled over, so that they were chest to chest, his cock against her belly. 

“We probably shouldn’t risk it,” Ross sighed. “At least, until you get the new birth control.”

“You and your condom aversion,” Holly said, but she kept her tone light. 

They’d had arguments about this, in the beginning, before she’d done some research and he’d gotten over his embarrassment. 

“I’m sorry,” said Ross, “how about next time we put shrink wrap over your genitals.”

“We tried that,” said Holly, and she was giggling harder, because it was so ridiculous, really. 

“I’m sorry,” Ross said, and he sounded genuinely remorseful. 

“It’s okay,” Holly said, and she reached down between them, to palm his dick. “Get up on me.”

“I can’t fuck you,” said Ross. “I mean, not yet.”

“I wasn’t telling you to fuck me,” Holly said. “But you can sit on my hips and jerk off.”

“Could I fuck your boobs?” Ross waggled his eyebrows. 

“Not if you call them boobs,” Holly said, sticking her tongue out at him.

Ross snorted.

“My darling, beloved wife,” said Ross, “would it be possible for me to stick my erect penis between your breasts until I achieve orgasm?” 

Holly was laughing. She rolled onto her back, covering her face with both hands, and she was cackling, as he prodded her in the side. 

“So is that a yes?”

She gave a thumbs up. 

Ross was chuckling as he slid his cock between her breasts, pushing her shirt up and over her head. The pendant that Dan had given her - the little bird - had slid up, around her chin.

She wasn’t wearing a bra, and she was still soft and slippery from all the massage bars that Suzy had used on her. 

She looked up at him and she smiled, meeting his eyes as he held her breasts together. 

Then she groaned.

“Ow, ow, Ross, hold on.” Holly sat up, trying to get away from him. 

“What’s up?” Ross looked down at her, concerned. 

Holly grabbed his cock, as his hands stayed on her breasts, cautiously. 

“Your boobs have gotten really swollen,” said Ross, and he looked… genuinely worried. “Are there any other, uh…I mean, like… are there lumps?”

“Lumps?” She blinked up at him, and then she shook her head quickly. “Oh, no, _no_ , it’s nothing like that.” 

… hopefully.

Although now it was in her head. 

Goddamn it. 

And she was crying.

Oh fuck.

“Oh, fuck.” Ross got off of her chest, sat next to her, and he pulled her to his chest and kissed her on the temple. 

“No, listen, I’m sorry,” he told her. “It’s probably nothing. Sometimes your boobs swell up when you’re gonna get your period. Sometimes that kinda thing just happens. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.”

Holly took a deep breath, and she held on to his shirt. 

“... will you help me do an exam?” She cleared her throat. “I mean, uh… you and Dan and Suzy probably know more about my boobs than I do.”

“Sure, sure,” said Ross. “Of course.” 

And… bless him, he did. He sat at the head of the bed, and she leaned back against him, and the both of them felt along her breasts, carefully, checking for anything that didn’t belong. 

His hard on was completely gone. 

And there wasn’t anything different - her breasts were more sensitive, and they were swollen. There weren’t any lumps. It was all… it was all gonna be okay.

Holly sighed, flopping back against him. 

“I’m gonna call the doctor and get my appointment sooner,” she said quietly. “And… I’m gonna tell Dan.” 

He held her, and he kissed her temple. 

“I’ve got your back, no matter what,” her told her. “I love you.” 

She sighed again, harder. 

“I love you too.” 

* * * 

She told Dan.

She told Dan, because it would feel dishonest to do otherwise. He could always sense when she was upset about something, and he had a right to know. 

He stared at her, with his big brown eyes, and then he cleared his throat.

Was he… about to start crying? 

Oh no.

She could… not deal with this. 

“Do you, uh… do you need anything?” Dan cleared his throat. 

“I need you to not freak out,” Holly said. “I mean, you can be angry, or upset, or whatever, but… I can’t deal with it.”

She stared up at him, anxiety broiling in her gut.

Was she being a bad partner? Should she have been nicer?

What had she done wrong?

Dan took a deep breath, and he sighed. He cleared his throat, and then he opened his arms up to her, leaning against the arm of the couch.

He wrapped his long arms around her, and she cuddled up to him, her head under his chin. 

“I’m gonna be here,” he told her. “I’m gonna be here, no matter what.”

“What if… if I have to get a mastectomy? I know you love my tits.”

“I like all of you,” he said. “I mean it. You’re… all of you is all of you. Even if you lost your tits. Hell, if you lost everything and just turned into a consciousness in a computer, I’d download you onto my phone and take you everywhere.”

Holly began to laugh, and it was a wet, snuffling laugh, but it was coming right out of her, and she couldn’t stop, laughing and sobbing into his shirt.

“You sound like a fucking serial killer,” Holly mumbled. 

“A serial killer who fucks?” He pulled her closer, so that she was more or less entirely in his lap.

His chest was pressing against her breasts, and it was… unpleasant, but the comfort he was offering left her limp, relaxed, shivering. 

“I got you,” he said, and he kissed the top of her head. “When are you finding out?”

“Well, I mean, I go to the doctor tomorrow,” she said. “Then… we’ll see, I guess.”

“You want me to pick you up from the doctor?”

“No,” said Holly, and she sighed, leaning against him. “I… I kinda wanna be on my own for it. If that’s okay?”

“It’s totally okay,” said Dan. 

“You wanna get dinner?” She snuggled further into his arms. 

“In a minute,” he said, and he held her tighter.

* * * 

“Suzy,” Holly said into her phone, “Suzy. Um. I need to tell you something.”

“What’s up, babe? Is everything okay?” Suzy sounded worried. 

“I’m going to get checked for breast cancer,” Holly blurted out. 

“ _What_?!” There was a clattering noise. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Suzy said dismissively. “Breast cancer?!”

“My, uh… you know how my breasts have been kinda… swollen and tender?”

“Yeah?” 

“Well, uh, it’s possible. I mean, maybe. I don’t have any lumps or anything like that, just, uh….” Holly sighed, and then she sobbed. “I… I’m super… I mean.” She sighed again. “I wanted to tell you.” 

“I understand,” said Suzy. “Is there anything you need from me?”

“I’ll come to the space,” said Holly. “I’ll, uh… I’ll tell you guys what the results are.”

“Would they be able to tell if it was cancer from the get go?”

“Well, maybe it’s not cancer,” said Holly, and she laughed, anxiety bubbling out of her like stomach acid. 

She almost felt like she was going to throw up anyway. 

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” Suzy cleared her throat. “I’ve got your back.”

“Thank you,” said Holly, and she hung up. 

Okay.

Now for the moment of truth. 

* * * 

She sat on her gynecologist's table, wearing a paper gown, so anxious she had soaked through it. 

She had gotten the breast exam. She had peed in a cup. She had gotten a blood test. 

So now she was just waiting. 

It was taking effort not to cry, or to fiddle too much. 

Despite how desperate she was to hear from the doctor, she still jumped when the door opened. 

The doctor smiled at her. 

“It’s probably not cancer,” he told her.

Her heart dropped into her stomach, and she sighed, flopping back. 

“Holy shit,” she said, and she covered her mouth with both hands, almost crying in her relief. 

“You are pregnant,” said the doctor. 

And her stomach dropped. 

“What.”

“You’re pregnant,” the doctor said. “The urine test tested positive, and the blood test confirmed it.” 

“So are you sure it’s not cancer?”

“I mean, I can do a few more tests, but all of your other symptoms match up to being about three months pregnant.”

“Oh.”

Her ears were rushing. Her heart was throbbing. 

“If you want to… deal with it,” said the doctor, “I can recommend you to a clinic. If you… don’t, then we can set up an appointment for two weeks from now. Either way, I’d like to hear from you.”

“Right,” said Holly, numb. 

“Holly?” The doctor’s voice was from a very far off place. “Holly, I need you to say something.”

“Right,” said Holly. 

“Do you know what you want to do?”

“I’ll call you back,” Holly said. “When I… when I figure it out.”

“Right,” said the doctor. “In the meantime, I can offer you something for the queasiness.”

“Okay,” said Holly. 

“So I look forward to hearing from you,” said the doctor, and then she walked out. 

* * * 

Holly threw up in the bathroom, long and hard, from her mouth and her nose, tears dripping down her face. 

She cried in the bathroom, holding onto her knees and shaking, until she was out of tears. 

She was going to have an abortion.

She could never have a baby, she’d be a horrible parent.

But Dan would be an excellent parent, and Ross had never been entirely against the idea, and she was in such a good place….

No, she was going to keep it. 

What was she going to do? 

How was she going to do this? 

With a shiver, she stood up, washing her face, then her mouth. 

* * * 

Holly cried, hard and long in her car, before she left it, walking into the Grump space. 

“Dan? Ross? Can I talk to you?”

“What’s up?”

Ross looked at her, and so did Dan, and both of their faces turned… something. 

She was a bit too wrapped up in her own head - and her churning gut - to read what they said. 

She just slipped into the empty recording room, and she waited for them.

“So…?”

“It’s probably not cancer,” Holly said, and she sniffed, wiping her eyes. “But, um….”

“Thank god,” said Dan, and he wrapped his arms around her. 

“I’m pregnant,” Holly said into his arm.

“What.” Ross stared at her, wide eyed. 

“I’m pregnant,” said Holly. “The doctor, uh… she said I was about three months in.” 

“Oh,” said Dan. 

He was holding her very hard. 

“Are you… I mean, you want to get an abortion, right?” Ross licked his lips.

Holly started crying again, great, racking sobs. 

“I don’t know,” she actually _wailed_. “I should… I should get an abortion, but I… I don’t know!”

“We’ve got your back,” Dan said. “No matter what. I promise.” 

Ross wrapped his arms around both of them, and she was shaking, and she was crying. 

What was she going to do? 

* * * 

Holly lay on her bed, wrapped in Dan’s leather jacket, wearing Ross’s sweater.

She was getting bigger, now that she was paying attention to it. She put both hands over her belly, and she tried to imagine that nothing was under it. That there was a person or… something.

It wasn’t a person yet.

But it could be.

What kinda person would it be?

Was it even a good idea going down that road?

She sighed, crawling under the covers and wrapping herself in them. 

If only she could sleep through the whole mess, come out the other end with everything sorted out.

She could at least get some sleep now, while her guys were talking quietly in the kitchen, Orph curled up on the bed next to her. 

* * * 

She woke up at some dark, strange time, the whole house quiet and full of shadows. 

She crept out towards the bathroom, her head still foggy with sleep, a stranger in her body. 

It was weird - it was uncomfortable, it didn’t fit, her center of gravity was weird, it was all… it was strange, and she didn’t like it. 

She heard a quiet noise from the kitchen, and she walked slowly towards it, curious.

Dan was in the kitchen, and he was crying. 

He was crying hard enough that he almost sounded like he was choking.

He was crying hard enough that Ross wasn’t even making fun of him - Holly could hear Ross’s quiet voice, as Dan sobbed louder. 

“I don’t… I don’t want her to… I don’t want her to… choose me. Choose because of me.” Dan sobbed a bit louder, and she could hear the wet sounds he was making. “I don’t… I want her to do what she needs to do.”

“Of course,” Ross said. 

“I want… fuck, I want her to keep it so badly.” Another wet noise. “I want her to keep it, I wanna be a dad, I want… I want it to love me. I want it to look… like me, I….” He sighed. “I love her so much, and it’s not my choice, you know. But… I don’t know how to hide that I’m sad from her.” 

“You won’t have to hide it,” said Ross quietly. 

“She’s the one having the fucking abortion,” Dan mumbled. “I can’t make the woman going through it comfort me, just because that’d be an utter douchebag move.”

“Are you gonna be alright?”

“Yeah.” Dan sighed. “I dunno. Are you sad?”

“I mean,” Ross said, “I know it’s not… mine. Like, it’s mine, in terms of… she’s my wife, if she had it I’d help raise it. But it’s… it’s very your baby.” 

“Yeah.” Dan huffed out a sigh. “I think that’s why I’m so upset.” 

Holly leaned against the doorframe. 

“But we’ve got her back.”

“We’ve got her back.” 

“And after the show tomorrow, we can discuss her getting the procedure.”

“Are you so sure she’s gonna do it?” Holly couldn’t read what emotion Ross’s voice was trying to convey. 

“She’s talked about how she’s never having kids,” said Dan. “Hell, she has a shirt that says she’s never gonna have kids.”

“Yeah, but she never saw herself in this place,” said Ross. 

“Well,” said Dan, “I’ll drive her to the clinic and pick her up afterwards, we can watch movies, maybe we can go out and be sad together?” 

His voice was enough to break her heart.

“Sounds like a plan,” said Ross, and he sounded like he was holding back tears. 

Oh god.

What was she gonna do?

She was quiet as she padded to the bathroom, then made a big show of coming out. 

“Hey guys,” said Holly, and she caught Dan’s red eyes, but he was smiling at her. 

“Hey,” said Dan. 

“I’m, uh… would it be okay if I went to the concert with you tomorrow, Dan? Just to hang out in the green room?”

“Yeah, always,” said Dan. “Although would it be safe in your… I mean, before you go to the doctor? For your, uh, for your procedure.” 

His throat worked, his eyes getting wetter, but he held it together. 

“Don’t worry about it,” said Holly, sitting on his lap, reaching out for Ross’s hand. 

Dan’s hands rested on her hips, carefully avoiding her belly. 

“You guys gonna come to bed?”

“Yeah,” said Dan. “Gimme a bit.” He kissed her cheek. “Sleep well, babe.”

* * * 

She went to bed a lot more sure of herself. 

* * * 

Holly had paper spread out all around her on the kitchen table when Dan woke up, and he leaned down to kiss her. 

“Hi,” said Dan. “What are you doing?”

“Going through some stuff,” said Holly. “Finances.”

“Are you worried about the… procedure?” Dan cleared his throat. “I can… I can pay for that.”

“No, no, I’m not worried about that,” said Holly. 

“Still,” said Dan, and he took a slug of tea. “I’d feel bad if I didn’t at least… partially pay for it. Since it’s half my fault.”

Holly sighed, covering her face with both hands.

“I can’t deal with this right now,” she told him. 

“I’m sorry,” said Dan, and he looked like he’d been kicked in the gut. 

Then her phone rang, and... fuck. 

“Hello?”

“Hi.” It was Suzy. “I, uh… just calling to check in. How was your doctor’s appointment?” 

Oh fuck. 

She’d never told Suzy. 

“I’m… I don’t have cancer,” said Holly. 

“Oh, thank god,” said Suzy. “Did they tell you what’s wrong?”

“Hormone stuff,” said Holly, without thinking. 

She didn’t want to talk about it yet. She’d explain it to Suzy later. 

“So Ross’ll pick you up around six. Are you sure you want to just hang out in the green room?”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “This is the one with the television that shows what’s happening on stage, right?”

“Yeah. You’ve been there before.”

Holly nodded, and she leaned back to be kissed. 

Then she ran to the bathroom, because she was going to be sick, and it wouldn’t do to be sick all over the receipts. 

* * * 

She told Ross first. 

He seemed… surprised, but he took it well.

“Don’t tell Dan yet,” she told him. 

“I won’t,” he said, and he smiled, clearly nervous. “Just, uh… figuring this all out.”

She grinned back. 

“At least we’re not going it alone.”

“You’re right.”

* * * 

Holly sat in the green room, as Dan puttered around. The Tupperware Remix Party guys were already on stage, and Brian was doing his particular brand of humor, making the fans laugh. 

Dan looked nervous, but he always looked nervous before a performance. 

“So, I was thinking after the… procedure, I’ll take a few days off.”

“You never take days off,” Holly said. 

“This is important,” Dan said firmly. “I already cleared it with Arin. We can have a few days together. Unless you don’t want time together, then I can just go back to work.”

“I’m keeping it,” Holly blurted out. 

“What?” Dan, fiddling with his hair in the mirror, turned to face her. 

“I’m keeping it.”

“You’re keeping what?”

“The baby.”

“You mean you’re not gonna have the abortion?” 

“I’m not. I’m gonna keep the baby.”

“Why?” He looked… he looked like his heart was breaking. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep it, just because of… whatever you think I want.”

“No, no,’ Holly said quickly. “I… if I’m gonna have a baby, I’d want it to be with you. You and Ross. The three of us having a baby together.” He paused. “I mean, if you… if you think that it’s the wrong time, I can still have it, but… we’d… I mean, it’d hurt, but I can live with -” 

“No!” 

Holly blinked at Dan. That was… emphatic. 

“If… if you’re sure you’re doing this for yourself, then… let’s have a baby.” 

He was grinning. He was grinning so wide that his face was gonna break in half. 

“Okay?” He kissed her, and his face was dry, which was surprising - he usually cried at the drop of a hat. 

“Okay.”

“I’ll… we can talk about this later. Specifics.” He laughed, and he sounded a bit on the edge of hysterical. 

“Specifics,” she agreed, and she curled up on the couch, staring at the television. 

Maybe it was a bad idea, telling him now.

But she had to get it off of her chest. 

* * * 

She watched the television, her eyes half closed, Dan’s leather jacket wrapped around her shoulders. It smelled like him, and it smelled like home. 

Her eyes were half shut, and she was only half listening. 

Dan was teetering on stage, and he looked… well, honestly, he looked a bit shell shocked.

“Hey everyone,” he said, and it was loud enough that Holly could hear it through the walls, “so we’re Ninja Sex Party.” He laughed. 

“So, uh, couple of shows ago, I dedicated a song to the love of my life? Well, uh… we’re having a baby! I’m gonna be a dad! So this song is dedicated… is dedicated….”

And then he fainted. 

* * * 

Phobos dropped Dan on the couch, after Holly had sat up, making room.

“So,” said Brian, as Dan stayed out cold. “So.”

She smiled at him nervously.

“How far along are you?”

“How, uh… why do you think it’s me?” 

Even with his ninja mask on, Brian could give her a Look. 

“I kind of doubt it’s going to be Arin,” he told her. 

Doctor Sung hustled up some ice, and then they all hustled out on stage again. 

* * * 

“So I fainted on the goddamn drum risers?”

“Yep.”

“Wow.” 

Dan leaned back against the couch, ice on his head. 

“So you really wanna keep it?”

“I mean… if… I talked to Ross about it. If we have the baby, then… if we have the baby, I don’t wanna be the one who has to… to be fully in charge of it.” 

She was babbling. 

“I want a baby, I do, I want to have your baby, but I don’t want my life to be that of a baby haver. Like… I want to be… I want to be important for other stuff. I need to be able to get away, from the baby, from all of it.”

“I understand,” Dan said, although she didn’t. “I’m gonna go back on stage now, okay?” He kissed her forehead.

“Okay,” said Holly, and she watched him wobble back out the door. 

* * * 

The rest of the evening was a blur.

He finished his set, and he came back to the room, ahead of all the other guys. He didn’t even say the usual goodbyes, just pulled his costume off and his street clothes on. 

He wrapped her in his jacket, and they walked out the door, avoiding the hoards of fans. 

She just… let it happen.

She let herself be led around, let herself be treated delicately as they loaded into the car.

“If it’s a boy, are we gonna circumcise?” 

“... what?” 

“If it’s a boy. Avi is gonna wanna have a bris, but I know you’re kinda meh about religious stuff, and I mean, I can’t see you being into that kinda thing in the first place….”

Holly sighed, wrapping her arms around herself. 

“I’m sorry,” said Dan. “i’m just kinda… thinking about shit.”

Holly began to laugh. 

It was a hard laugh, so hard that her stomach heaved, and she shoved the door open and threw up.

“Oh, pigeon,” Dan said, and he held her hair back as she threw up and threw up, everything she’d eaten. 

All that anxiety, all that terror, all of it just gushed out of her, and then she leaned back against him, panting heavily. 

“Oh, pidge,” said Dan, and he kissed her temple. “Sweetheart… let’s get you something for your tummy.” 

“I’ll be fine,” Holly mumbled.

“I’ve got a bottle of water, hold on….”

“Thanks,” Holly said. “For… for all of it.”

“Just….” Dan paused his rummaging. “Are you absolutely sure you want this?”

“What, throwing up?” 

“Well, I mean, I don’t want you to throw up, but like….” He sighed. “Do you really want a baby?”

“I don’t want to… I don’t want a baby on my own. If I have a baby, it’s not just my baby. It’s our baby. It’s….” She took a swig of the water he offered her. “I need… I need to be able to run away.”

“You’ll have it,’ said Dan. “But… it’ll… if you leave, I don’t know what it’d do to _me._ ”

She cupped his cheek, his skin whiskery against her palm. 

“I’ll always come back.”

“That’s all I ask.” 

* * * 

The internet was abuzz. 

Of course it was. 

At least Holly didn’t have to worry about people bothering her about it. 

… no, that was a lie. 

People were talking to her. 

Namely, Arin, Brian, Suzy, and everyone else in their circle. 

Suzy seemed… okay, but she was being distant. 

Holly couldn’t put her finger on it. 

* * * 

It wasn’t until they were both in the office, at a rare moment of quiet, that she actually had a chance to talk to Suzy. 

“You wanna go out to lunch?”

“You up for going out like that?” 

“... Suzy, I’m pregnant, not injured.” Holly wasn’t sure if Suzy was joking or not - also not sure if she was insulted or not.

Her emotions were all over the place.

Especially considering all of the serious talks she and Ross and Dan had been having lately. 

They’d have to reshuffle the house. 

Again. 

And everything else. 

It was enough to almost make her regret keeping the baby. 

Almost. 

The look on Dan’s face, though, that first night, when he got in bed with her, wrapped his whole self around her with those big hands on her belly….

“Hello?” Suzy snapped a finger in front of Holly’s face. “Are you sure you’re up for going out?” 

“Yeah, sorry,” Holly said. “Sorry. I kinda just drifted off.”

“Do you want me to drive?” Suzy seemed resigned. 

“Sure,” said Holly. 

She reached out for Suzy’s hand, so that they could hold hands while they walked out.

Suzy pulled her hand away.

… ouch.

* * * 

“Are you mad at me?” 

Holly didn’t want to have another emotional shitstorm in a restaurant, like the last time they had a Serious Talk in a restaurant. 

“Why would I be mad at you?” Suzy’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel. “It’s not like my girlfriend didn’t clue me in on a major life change.”

Wait, what?

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Did it occur to you that maybe I wanted to wait for the right time to tell you?” Holly crossed her arms across her chest, then moved them, because ow. 

“Because announcing it at a fucking Ninja Sex Party concert was the right moment.” 

They hadn’t even started the car. They were just… sitting in the Grump parking lot. 

“That didn’t happen on purpose. I didn’t announce it, I just… I told Dan, and he… I mean….” 

She was starting to sniffle. Oh god.

“So you tell me that you think you have breast cancer, then you just put it down to a _hormone imbalance_?!” Suzy was… shouting. 

Oh god. 

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Holly snapped.  
“How long have you known?”

“Since the day before the concert.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me when you found out?”

“I didn’t know if I was keeping it,” Holly shouted. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you right away, when I didn’t even know if there was going to be a baby!” 

“So you’d just get an abortion and chalk up feeling horrible to… what?! Tell me you were on your period for a month or something?”

“I was going to tell you,” Holly said, and oh fuck. Oh no, she was starting to cry. “I told Dan because he’s the father, and I told Ross because he’s my husband, and I was gonna tell you when I figured it out, but fucking… Dan had to tell the whole world. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I was afraid. I fucked up. I fucked up bad, and everything is gonna change, and if you want to dump me, then dump me, but at least be up front about it.”

And now she was crying. Ugly, wracking sobs, huge tears tracking down her face. She wrapped her arms around herself, heedless of her sore breasts, clinging to herself, crying harder, snot dribbling out of her nose. 

“... I’m not gonna dump you,” said Suzy, and she sounded… slightly overwhelmed. “I’m not gonna dump you just because you’re having a baby.”

“I mean,” Holly snuffled, “you could. That’s… that’s okay. Since you got together with me with… with the expectation that it’d just be you and me, not you, me, and a baby.”

“Well, it’s not gonna be you, me, and a baby,” said Suzy. “I mean, you’re with Dan and Ross, so it’s not like I’m gonna be, like… regularly changing diapers or something.”

“Well, okay, yeah,” said Holly, and she rubbed her eyes, her nose still dripping. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to… I didn’t want you to judge me. For being so stupid. For… for doing it in the first place.”

“It’s okay,” said Suzy, and she rested a cautious hand on Holly’s back. “I shouldn’t have been so mad at you.”

“You weren’t mad at me, were you?” Holly looked at her, eyes still red and streaming. 

“I was, a little,” said Suzy. “But… I’ll get over it.” She squeezed Holly’s shoulder. “You wanna get lunch?” 

“Sounds good.”

“Are you, like… able to eat much these days?” Suzy looked at Holly, with something like… morbid curiosity.

“I’m not suffering from stomach cancer,” said Holly, putting her hand on her belly nervously, then pulling it away.

Was anything any different? She couldn’t tell. Dan said he didn’t see a difference, but he might have been being diplomatic. 

“I dunno, I know morning sickness can be a problem.”

“Well, it’s not problem, just present,” said Holly. “Although it’s not present right now. Thank god.”

“That’s good,” said Suzy. She leaned forward, cautious, and she kissed Holly.

She kissed Holly’s snotty, tear stained, swollen face, and Holly’s heart just… opened like a flower. 

Holly kissed Suzy back, and she sobbed again, more tears dripping down her face, and her tears left little dark spots on Suzy’s shirt.

“Why are you crying, baby?”

“I don’t _know_ ,” Holly wailed, and then she started laughing, mixing in with the crying. “My feelings just… do this shit. I hate it, so much.”

“You’re cute,” said Suzy, and she giggled, and rubbed noses with Holly. “You’re really gross right now, but you’re cute.”

Holly giggled, and everything was alright.

Something was probably going to go wrong in the next hour or so, because something always did.

But for now? Everything was alright. 

* * * 

“Whoa,” said Dan, about a week later. 

“What’s up?” 

“You, uh….” Dan paused, clearly trying to get his words out. “You look a bit different.”

“How do I look different?” Holly was trying to get a pair of pants to close around her waist, with no luck. 

“Well, um.” stood up, cautiously, and he put his hands on her belly. He spread his fingers, and they could only just cover the whole of it. “I think the kid is, uh… getting bigger.”

“Do I look pregnant?” Holly sighed, in resignation, in annoyance. 

“Kinda, yeah,” said Dan, apologetic. “But only because I see you regularly. Everyone else wouldn’t be able to tell.” 

Holly sighed, and she leaned into him, her face pressing into Dan’s neck. 

“It’ll be okay,” said Dan. “But, uh, maybe wear a dress today? We can go shopping for some maternity clothes or something on the weekend.”

Another, deeper sigh. 

“I’ll ask Suzy,” said Holly. “She’s better at this kinda thing.”

“Fair point,” Dan said, although he looked a little uncomfortable. “We should start clearing my room out, to make the nursery.”

“You want to clear your room, instead of the guest room?”

“I figure the guest room works so we can have guests,” said Dan. “Anyway, I sleep with you guys most nights anyway.”

“Did you talk to Ross about this?” Holly pulled a shirt on, and she sighed - her belly was very much curved, visible through the fabric. 

“Yeah,” said Dan. “He’s been off in his own world about what we’re gonna paint on the walls.”

“Of course he is,” said Holly, and she kissed Dan, her belly against his. “Do you still love me?”

“Why wouldn’t I still love you?”

“Because, like… you agreed to get together with me when I was a lot less… bloated.” 

He shrugged.

“You’re having a baby,” he pointed out. “You’re having _my_ baby. I’m not gonna give you shit about it.”

“... yeah, that’d be pretty douchey,” Holly agreed.

“I endeavor to keep the douchehood to a minimum,” said Dan.

Holly snorted, and she kissed him on the mouth, gently. 

He kissed her back. 

“I think I’m gonna have to announce that I’m actually pregnant on my channel,” he told her.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She looked at herself in profile, and she sighed. “Yeah, it’ll be futile to hide this late in the game.”

“You think they’ll notice?”

“You know what some fans are like. Someone probably noticed when my boobs changed and there’s a whole subreddit dedicated to it.”

Dan made a face. 

“I didn’t wanna think about that.” 

* * * 

“Hey tweethearts, how’s it goin’? So, uh, it may be kinda obvious, but… I’ve got a big announcement!” 

* * * 

“So now the whole internet knows,” said Suzy, squeezing Holly’s hand as they made their way towards the mall. “How does it feel?”

“Honestly?” Holly made a face. “In the scheme of things… I don’t really care. Like, oh no, the internet is gonna know I’m pregnant.”

“What if they put together two and two that you and Dan are together?” 

Holly shivered as they stepped into the mall, the air conditioning washing over them like a wave.

“I don’t think anyone is gonna figure that out.”

“You never know,” Suzy said, and she squeezed Holly’s hand. 

Holly squeezed hers back. 

“So tell me about this girl you’ve been seeing,” she said, because it was beginning to seem like the baby was eating up her whole life.

“Well,” said Suzy, and she blushed. “Uh, I… that is, she’s… she’s really pretty.”

Holly snickered.

“You are so cute, you know that?”

“I do my best,” said Suzy, and she kissed Holly.

Holly kissed her back. 

“What’s her name?”

“Sarah. And she’s got a bunch of tattoos….” 

Holly let the talk wash over her, as they made their way towards the maternity store. 

“I miss coffee,” said Holly, as they passed a Starbucks. 

“Of course you do,” said Suzy, and she squeezed Holly’s fingers. “It’s not like you live on coffee or anything.”

“I don’t drink _that_ much,” Holly said defensively. 

“Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart,” said Suzy.

Holly nudged her in the ribs, and Suzy grinned. 

* * * 

“I don’t need all of this,” Holly said, as Suzy hustled her into a changing room, locking it behind her. “I need some pants, maybe a shirt.”

“You don’t wanna look pretty?” 

“I can be pretty when I have the baby.”

That was a sobering thought. 

There was going to be a point when there was a baby. It wasn’t just queasiness and bloating up - there was an actual person inside of her. Or at least, the potential for a person. 

Holly sat down on the bench. 

“Are you okay?” 

“There’s a person,” said Holly. “There’s going to be a person, I mean.”

“Well, yeah,” said Suzy. “That’s kinda what pregnancy is.” Suzy leaned down, and she kissed her forehead.

“It’s weird to think about,” Holly said. She paused. “Why’d you bring bras?”

“Honey, you’ve got some… major spillage,” said Suzy, and she was wearing an expression that was halfway to sympathy, halfway to lecherous. 

“What?”

“Your bra. You’re spilling out of your bra.” Suzy came up behind Holly, her chin on Holly’s shoulder, and she pulled Holly’s shirt tightly against her. 

The two of them stared in the mirror, and indeed, Holly was very much overflowing. 

“Your cup runneth over,” said Suzy, and then she snickered.

Holly leaned back against Suzy, and she was giggling in spite of herself.

“You’re such a dork,” she told Suzy. 

“I know,” said Suzy. “It’s why you keep me around.”

“I keep you around for tons of reasons,” Holly said defensively. 

“Oh yeah?” Suzy pushed Holly’s shirt up, and she was definitely wearing a lecherous expression.

It really was a good thing that this changing room was as large as it was. And that it had a locking door that went all the way down, and actual walls. 

“Yeah,” said Holly. “You’re smart, and you’re kind, and you’re beautiful, and you make me laugh….”

“You forgot to mention my glorious cunnilingus skills,” said Suzy, as if that was a thing to say.

“Oh my god, Suzy,” Holly said, and she was cackling. 

“Or has it been too long?” Suzy waggled her eyebrows in the mirror, and she moved her hands up, to cup Holly’s breasts through her bra. 

Holly shivered - her breasts were a lot less sensitive, at least. No longer pure pain when they were touched. 

“Wow,” Suzy said, and she was pushing the cups of Holly’s bra up, over her breasts. “They’ve gotten bigger.”

“Well, yeah,” said Holly. “You just mentioned that. Runneth over and whatnot.”

“Nah, I meant your nipples,” said Suzy, and she brushed her fingers over them. 

Holly bit her lip to keep from making any noise.

“They’re getting darker, too,” said Suzy, and she kissed along Holly’s neck. 

“I’m sorry,” Holly said quietly. 

“What, that your body is changing?” Suzy’s hands moved down, to Holly’s belly, one hand on each side of it. 

It was the first time Suzy had directly interacted with it, and Holly shivered. 

“Yeah. Because, like, you signed up for one thing, and you ended up with something completely different.”

“I mean, I was planning on getting old with you, in some capacity,” said Suzy. “And if you transitioned, or something like that, it’d be the same thing.”

“You think so?” 

“I know so.” Suzy pressed a loud, smacking kiss to the side of Holly’s neck. “So can I eat you out?” 

“... only if you’re quick.”

Suzy grinned like a shark. 

“Oh, I can be quick,” she said. 

Holly licked her lips, and squeezed her thighs together. Oh boy. 

* * * 

Holly had her back up against the wall, and her hand over her mouth. 

Holly was standing up, legs wide open, as Suzy pressed her whole face between Holly’s legs, her nose parting Holly’s labia, her tongue jabbing at Holly’s hole. Then she was lapping at Holly’s clit, and that was… that was really good, holy fuck. 

She wasn’t pulling her punches, no drawn out teasing here. She was just going for all the good spots that left Holly’s toes curling in her shoes, until she was almost there, already. 

Was she more sensitive? What was happening? 

She pressed her palm harder into her mouth as her knees shook, and she came, her hips juddering forward, her other hand pressing into her eyes. 

Suzy pulled back, her face a sticky mess, and she grinned. 

“Hi,” said Holly, aware of how silly she sounded. 

“Hi,” said Suzy, and she was definitely smirking. 

Her first orgasm, since she’d found out that she was pregnant. 

“So,” said Suzy, wiping her face off with a wipe from her bag, “how about you try some clothes on?” 

There was minimal mess - Holly’s underwear was off on one ankle, and her shorts were all the way up. She wiped between her legs carefully, and tossed the wipe in the garbage. 

Holly laughed, halfway to hysterical, giddy on hormones. 

“Sounds good,” she said. “Can we get some food afterwards maybe?” 

“Anything for you, my dear.”

* * * 

“Hey tweethearts, how’s it going? So today we’re gonna do something a little different - this is going to be a clothing tutorial, specifically for maternity clothes. Because actual maternity clothes are very expensive, and this is honestly cheaper. So, to begin….” 

* * * 

Holly looked around Dan’s room - what was now technically the guest room, although some of Dan’s stuff was still in there - his football helmet collection, among other things. 

But now it was the guest room. 

“All the things that bed has seen,” Dan said. 

“Yeah,” Holly said, and her voice was quiet. She leaned against Dan, and Dan put his hand on her belly, like he always did these days.

She was four months in, and she was… big. A lot bigger than she expected to be. 

The OBGYN had said that it was just a very big baby. 

Which was… something. 

“But hey, I sleep with you and Ross nine times outta ten anyway,” he said quietly. 

“Ross is gonna miss having an office.”

“Ross is gonna be okay working in your sewing room.”

Holly snorted. 

“Okay,” said Dan, and he kissed her temple. “Are you okay?”

“This is all going a lot faster than I thought it would be.” 

“Well,” Dan said, “I’m with you every step of the way, okay?”

“Okay.” 

It wasn’t perfect. But it was something.

Something important. 

* * * 

Holly lay between Ross and Dan. Ross was pressed close to her, the curve of his back pressed against her side. Dan had his arm flung over her belly. 

Her phone was buzzing, but it was far off, and she didn’t want to move. Her back was starting to hurt, and for once she didn’t have to pee. 

Ross rolled over, and he nuzzled his face into her neck. His face was scratchy, and his breath was warm. 

“Tell Dan to turn his phone off,” Ross mumbled. 

“It’s my phone,” said Holly, brushing his hair off of his face. She sat up, slowly, and her back made protesting noises. 

Ouch. 

Her belly was like a mountain range between two hills. 

“You should go answer it,” Ross said. 

The buzzing stopped.

“Never mind,” said Ross, and he pressed closer. 

Dan made a soft sleep noise, and then his hands were on her face, and he was blinking at her, sleepily. 

“Hi,” said Holly. 

“Hii,” said Dan. “How are you doin’, sweetheart?” 

He was speaking directly to the baby.

Holly sighed.

“You know I’m still here, right?” She tugged on his hair.

“I know,” said Dan. “I’m saying hi to both of you!”

He wrapped his long arms around her, and she sighed, beginning to finally relax. 

She’d deal with whoever was calling her later - right now, she was just tired, and she had the rare opportunity to sleep in. 

 

* * * 

The voice messages were from Suzy, and they sounded… frazzled. 

“Hey sweetie,” said Suzy. “I’m sorry to be bothering you so early. I was wondering if, um, if it’d be okay if I came over tonight? We don’t have to do anything date-ish or romantic, I just miss you.”

… huh. 

_Is something wrong?_

_I had a fight with Arin, wouldn’t mind some company._

_Lemme check if it’s okay with Dan?_

_Sounds good. Thank you, darling._

* * * 

“Sure,” said Dan, after he’d drunk some tea. “You want me to get outta the way?”

“I’ll ask Suzy,” said Holly.

She was beginning to feel a bit like an in between, which was… annoying. 

* * * 

_You want Dan to go away?_

_Nah. We haven’t hung out as a group in a while._

Um.

The reason they hadn’t hung out in a while - Dan and Suzy’s pissing contest - hadn’t entirely been addressed.

But fuck it. 

Holly was tired. If these two pulled any shit, she’d kick them out on the porch.

… huh.

Being pregnant made her more take-no-shit, apparently. 

* * * 

Suzy showed up, her eyes a little red, no makeup on. She wrapped her arms around Holly, and she pressed her face into Holly’s neck, her belly pressed against Holly’s. 

“Hi,” Suzy said.

“Hi.” 

“Wanna watch a stupid movie?”

“I would absolutely love to.” 

* * * 

It had been a long day - Holly had been working double time, in preparation for the months off she was going to take. 

Her knuckles were aching, and she appreciated Dan and Suzy holding her hands. 

They were behaving, which wasn’t too surprising, but it was nice.

If Ross had been there, it would have been all of her people in one place, not arguing. 

Suzy cuddled up to her, and Dan was cuddled up to her, and both of them had a hand on her belly, and it was… quiet.

It was nice. 

* * * 

Suzy fell asleep on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, and she was still clinging to Holly’s hand. 

Holly shook her awake, gently. 

“You wanna get some dinner?”

“Mmm,” Suzy mumbled, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “Where’s Ross?”

“Spending the night at Morgan’s.” 

“Is it okay if I crash here tonight?”

Holly raised an eyebrow. 

“Are you running away from something?” 

“What? No!” Then she heaved a sigh. “I… I had an argument with Arin about something.”

“What’d you argue about?” 

Dan, possibly sensing that things were about to get important and coupley, excused himself to go dig through the fridge. 

“Arin… well, he thinks that we should have kids. And I want to wait. And… some hurtful things were said.” She cleared her throat. “I… I needed to get away, to clear my head.”

“You can stay,” Holly said slowly, “but only if you call Arin, okay?”

Suzy sighed, and she was wearing a resigned expression.

“I’m being an idiot, aren’t I?”

Holly shrugged, and she handed Suzy her phone. 

“Alright, alright,” said Suzy. “Do you mind, uh…?”

“I’ll join Dan in the kitchen,” said Holly, standing up slowly, her hand at her lower back. 

* * * 

Dan was staring at the pile of food in front of him. He looked slightly foggy headed, and his phone was buzzing.

“Hey, pigeon,” said Dan, and he leaned down to kiss her. 

“Hi,” said Holly, and she stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the mouth. 

“So Arin was suggesting that we do a couple of extra Grump sessions, so that we have the off time. And I can work on the album as well.”

“... Dan, you’re gonna kill yourself if you do that,” Holly said. “Anyway, I think that Arin has, um… other motives.”

Dan raised an eyebrow. 

“Him and Suzy are arguing.”

“Yeah, he told me about that,” said Dan. He huffed out a sigh. “He asked me to come over, but I figured you could use the company.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” said Dan. He looked a bit guilty. “I don’t have it in me right now to play shrink.”

“Play shrink?”

“Yeah. Sometimes he forgets that you and Suzy are dating, so I end up being stuck in a weird spot.”

“Ahhh,” said Holly, not really getting it, but making agreeable noises.

“So I’ve got the makings for lasagne,” said Dan, changing the subject. “And some spinach.”

“We could put the spinach in the lasagne,” Holly suggested. 

“I knew there was a reason I kept you around,” Dan said, and he kissed her again, both hands on her tummy. “Well, two reasons.”

“Gee, thanks,” Holly said, deadpan. “I exist to carry your baby and to give you cooking instructions.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Dan said quickly, and he swept her up in a kiss, the kind of romance novel kiss that made her a little weak in the knees. 

There was a sound from the doorway, and when they broke apart, Holly saw Suzy, standing there and looking relieved and a bit anxious. 

“So, uh… change of plan,” said Suzy. “I talked to Arin - I’m gonna go home, after dinner.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Holly said, and she gave what she hoped was an encouraging smile. “Do you wanna help Dan cook, so he doesn’t burn the kitchen down?”

 

“I’m getting better,” Dan said defensively.

“Well, you won’t let me cook, so I guess Suzy has to supervise.”

“I let you cook!”

“You just hover,” Holly said, and she sat down. 

She’d never admit it, but she was glad for the chance to just rest.

Dan snorted, but he made room for Suzy on the counter. 

* * * 

Later, when Suzy had gone home, Holly cuddled up to Dan on the sofa. It was quiet, apart from the quiet sound of the television, and she was loathe to break it. 

But there was a thing she needed to ask, and if she didn’t say something, she might have exploded. 

Holly spoke.

“Are you afraid of anything?”

He gave her a confused look, his hand going to squeeze hers. 

“What do you mean? I’m afraid of loads of shit. Sharks, for one thing. I don’t like needles….”

“No, not like that.” She sighed. 

Why was this even in her head in the first place?

Seeing Suzy and Dan interact… affectionately might have knocked something loose in her head. 

Or maybe hormones were fucking around with her brain.

“Like….” She took a deep breath. “I”m not afraid of you ever… leaving me, per se. I don’t think you’d ever leave me, even before all of… this.” She indicated her belly. “But I’m afraid of you getting eaten alive by your work, or….” She kept her eyes on the television. “Of you dying.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised her quickly, and he pulled her closer, his hand on her belly, his forehead against her temple, his whiskery face against her cheek. “I’m… I’m not planning on dying any time, and I’m only working extra hard now. Once the baby comes -”

“I don’t want us to be consumed by the baby either,” Holly blurted out. “I mean, uh, like… like, I know babies take up a lot of space, in your brain and your life, and I don’t want it to eat us alive. I don’t want… them to eat us alive.”

“Them?” There was a moment of confusion. “There’s more than one?”

“Fuck no,” Holly said, her eyes going wide. “No, I just… we don’t know the baby’s gender yet. So it’s a they.”

“Fair enough,” said Dan. “But… we’re not gonna be just parents. We’re gonna be us.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.” 

“I’m not just gonna turn into your baby’s mom?”

“Holly, you’ll always be the bird loving, ukulele playing, costume designing, forest hag I fell in love with,” Dan said, and it was… it was the kind of sincerity that’s too intense, too uncomfortable, especially when it’s being aimed at you.

She clung to him anyway, and she sighed, holding on tightly.

“I’m sorry, I’m being weird.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan said. “I’m afraid too, you know.”

“What are you afraid of?”

What did he have to be afraid of? Intense physical pain? Loss of identity? 

“What if… what if I’m a bad father?” Dan spoke quietly. 

“Why would you be a bad father?”

“I don’t have a lot of experience with kids,” Dan said. “I mean, I’m good at being an uncle, but, like, a dad? That’s a different thing entirely.”

“... if it makes you feel any better,” Holly said quietly, “I don’t know how to be a mom. I mean, not really. I’m good at being a mom to the pigeons, but… it’s not like I can just put a baby into a coop when it’s being obnoxious.”

“Look on the bright side,” Dan said, “the baby probably won’t wing slap you either.”

Holly started to laugh, and there were some tears dripping down her face - it was incredibly inelegant. She could practically feel her nose turning red and running, tears dripping off of her chin. 

Dan held her to his chest, and he rocked her, as she cried against his chest, his lips pressed against the top of her head, making vague reassuring noises. 

Then she hiccuped. 

“... seriously?” 

She hiccuped again. 

If she had been one of those women who had cute hiccups, it might have been endearing. Maybe make her cute, with her streaming nose and red eyes. 

But no. 

She hiccuped like a bullfrog. 

Dan began to giggle.

“I hate you,” Holly said into his chest, sniffling. She sat up, and there was a wet spot on the front of the t-shirt. 

Then she hiccuped again. It was a hard enough hiccup that her whole body… jolted. 

And then something inside of her belly jolted, and she made a startled noise, pressing her hand against the tight skin. 

“Is something the matter?” Dan pressed closer, his face concerned. 

She hiccuped again, and something inside of her… moved. 

“It’s… there’s someone in there,” Holly said, and then she was crying again, although she wasn’t sure why, except that there was someone alive inside of her, under her navel, and it was… it was so strange, and so terrifying, and something else that she didn’t have a name for. 

“Is it moving? Can I feel it?” Dan’s voice was so... heartbreakingly eager.

Or maybe everything was making her weepy. 

“You can try?” She took his hand, pressing it down, and there was another little flutter of movement against his hand. 

“Wow,” Dan said, and he sounded shocked. “I mean… wow.”

Holly laughed, a bit shaky. 

“But I’m still a person to you, aren’t I?” 

God, she sounded needy. 

“Of course you are,” said Dan, and he kissed her on the mouth, a sweet, long kiss, despite her wet cheeks and snotty nose. 

“Okay,” Holly whispered against his lips. “Okay.”

* * * 

Holly woke up with a headache, some equivalent of an emotional hangover. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, to find the bed empty. 

Dan must have gone to work already, and Ross was still with Morgan. 

Well, it wasn’t like she didn’t know how to do stuff on her own. 

Although she wished she could clean the cat box. Dan had forgotten to do it before he left, and she wasn’t allowed to, what with the pregnancy.

* * * 

She wasn’t expecting Arin to be at her front door, some hours later. 

If she had known he was coming, she probably would have put on pants. 

“Um,” said Holly, standing there in her underwear and an old shirt. “Can I, uh… can I help you?”

“Sorry, did Dan not tell you?” Arin looked guilty, and he smiled at her, nervous. “I, uh… we’re supposed to get together, but since you guys are a bit closer to the office than we are and me and Dan have a date tonight, he said I could possibly… use your shower and hang out here until he was done at the studio, since my car has kinda been giving me trouble?”

Holly processed this. 

“Come in,” she said, because she couldn’t exactly let him stand there in the doorway. 

It was letting the air conditioning out, and anyway, it might let the cats out. 

“I’m sorry,” Arin said, slipping his shoes off, and he did look genuinely regretful. “Dan didn’t mention that, uh, he didn’t mention that he didn’t tell you.”

“I was kind of in the zone,” Holly admitted, going to the fridge. Her phone was on the kitchen table, and yes indeed, there were several texts from Dan. 

She had nobody to blame but herself. 

Arin wasn’t bad company, at least, and Ross was gonna be home soonish, so it wouldn’t be too bad. 

“Okay,” said Holly. Then she paused. “But could you do me a favor?”

“Sure,” said Arin. “What do you need?” 

“Could you clean the cat’s box?” 

Arin paused. That clearly wasn’t what he had expected.

“Uh, sure,” he said. “Just show me the way, and give me a bag.” 

“Thanks,” said Holly. 

“Don’t worry about it,” said Arin, crouching in front of the litter box with a scoop and a bag. “Wouldn’t want the kid to get toxoplasmosis, would ya?” 

Holly raised an eyebrow. 

“That’s quite a mouthful,” she told him. 

“What can I say?” Arin turned around, holding a lump of cat poop in the scoop. He waggled his eyebrows. “I’m… good with my mouth.” 

Holly burst out laughing, and Arin grinned back at her. 

… he was actually pretty cute.

She could see why Suzy and Dan were all over him to the degree that they were. 

… and that was an odd line of thought that she wasn’t going to chase. 

“I’ll, uh… I’ll leave you a towel by the bathroom,” said Holly. “Are you gonna need a change of clothes or anything?”

“Nah,” said Arin, indicating his shoulder bag. “I’ve got nice date clothes, just gotta, you know, not stink so badly.” 

“You don’t smell that bad,” Holly said. 

“Well, yeah,” said Arin. “I’m next to a dirty cat box. I think anyone would smell like a bed of roses compared to that.”

“Well, okay, yeah, fair,” said Holly. “I’ll give you a good sniff after you get out of the shower, see if you pass muster.”

“I’ll present my armpits for inspection,” Arin said, and that got Holly laughing again, which made the baby shift inside of her, just a tiny amount, but enough for her to make a surprised noise.

“Are you alright?” Arin’s face was concerned. 

“Yeah, just, uh… getting used to it moving,” said Holly. “Them moving, I guess.”

“Can I… can I feel it?” There was something nervous and tentative on his face, something yearning that made Holly’s stomach drop in a way she couldn’t entirely explain. 

“I mean, uh, you have to wash your hands first,” Holly said quickly. 

“Oh. Oh, right! Duh!” Arin blushed. “But, uh, hey, cat box is clean. Just show me where to throw it.” He cleared his throat. “You don’t have to say yes. To me touching you, I mean. You can always say no.” 

“Oh, I know that,” Holly said. “That wasn’t me, uh, stalling, just… genuine not wanting to get sick. Or get the baby sick.”

“Oh, obviously,” Arin agreed. “But still. I wanted to make it clear.” 

“Thanks,” said Holly, and she was… genuinely touched. 

Arin was getting better at people. Or at least, he was a lot better than the guy who had suggested that he and Dan make out, just because Suzy and Holly were dating. 

“So where do I put the cat poop?”

Holly pointed at the garbage, and he tied the bag up and dropped it in. 

Then he washed his hands, and made to go towards the bathroom. 

“Um,” said Holly, and she touched his arm. “Do you want to… I mean, do you still want to touch my belly?”

“Sure, if you’d let me,” said Arin. 

“I wouldn’t offer it if I didn’t want you to,” Holly said. “C’mon. I’m not made of glass.” 

She grabbed his wrist, and she pressed his palm against the dome of her belly. 

The baby nudged against his hand, and he made a surprised noise. 

“Oh,” said Arin. “Wow.” 

“Yeah,” Holly said. 

His face was downright… reverent, and there was something fever bright in his eyes as he stared down at her belly, which was bulging under her shirt. 

“How far along are you?”

 

“About sixteen weeks,” Holly said. “I’ve just kinda… blown up a bit.” She made a face. “I’ll be back to my normal sexy self… eventually.” 

“You still look sexy,” Arin said, and there was so much brutal, raw emotion in his voice that he froze.

The silence was thick with… something. Sexual tension, some kind of quiet desperation, something else that she didn’t have a name for.

Paco screeched from the next room, breaking the tension, and Holly turned, going to the bird. 

“Oh, Paco, what are you screaming about, buddy?”

The weird whatever it was broke, and the energy was back to its usual self, whatever that was. 

“So. Uh, towel?”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “Hold on.” She gave Paco a scritch, then set him back in his cage, before heading towards the linen closet. 

She handed Arin their only pink towel, and he smiled at her. 

“I’m glad you prepared for my inevitable use of your bathroom,” said Arin, and he headed towards it.

Holly was still giggling as the door shut behind him. 

* * * 

“... Holly?”

Holly looked up from her project. 

There was shouting from the bathroom. 

“Are you okay, Arin?”

“Holly, I forgot my bag.” There was the sound of the door opening even further. “Could you bring it to me, please?”

“Can you just wrap yourself in a towel?”

“The towel doesn’t wrap all the way around me.”

“... what?”

“The towel. It’s too small.”

“What, really?”

“Yes, really. If I come out you’re gonna see my wiener. Or my butt.”

“I’ve seen your butt,” Holly said. “And don’t call it a wiener.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because then I picture you’ve got, like, a hot dog between your legs.”

“I mean, I kinda do.”

Holly rolled her eyes, picking up the bag and making her way towards the bathroom. 

Arin’s hand stuck his hand out from behind the door, and Holly put the bag in it. 

“You’re an angel,” said Arin, from behind the door.

Holly snorted, and she went back downstairs. 

* * * 

Arin came downstairs, and he looked… quite nice. He was wearing jeans, and a nice flannel button down. 

His shoulders looked especially broad, and she wanted to touch his chest.

… wow. 

Pregnancy was doing things to her. 

“Do you, uh, wanna keep me company while I do some paperwork?”

“Sure,” said Arin. “I can cook you something, if you’re hungry.”

“Wouldn’t wanna get your nice date clothes all gross,” said Holly, settling down on a kitchen chair and putting her glasses back on. She pulled the pile of paperwork to her, and she sighed as her back complained. 

“You okay? That sounded kinda… pained.”

 

“Yeah, my back hurts. My feet hurt. My legs hurt.” She looked down at her belly with an annoyed expression. “This freeloader is very much causing problems, and I can’t really take any pain pills for it.”

 

“I could help you with that,” said Arin.

“What, with the freeloader?”

“No, with the pain.” He cleared his throat. “I’m, uh… I’m good at giving massages.”

“Would Suzy be okay with it?” 

Why was she asking that?”

“I can ask her, if that’d make you feel better,” said Arin.

Why was the air so… tense? 

“We can both ask her,” said Holly. 

She texted Dan, while she was at it, although she wasn’t entirely sure… why.

“The life of the polyamorous, huh?” Arin laughed, and there was an uneasiness to his laugh. 

“Oh yeah,” said Holly. “I was promised orgies, I got nonstop feelings talk.”

“I mean, feelings talk is at least more sanitary,” said Arin, his elbows on the table. His hair was tied back, and still damp from the shower.  
“I dunno,” said Holly. “I tend to get ugly when I cry.”

“I get sweaty.” Arin paused. “Admittedly, almost everything makes me sweaty, but still.”

“Bodies are kinda dumb like that,” Holly said. 

Her phone buzzed, and she picked it up, with some trepidation. 

It was from Suzy. 

_You guys do whatever you want! Have fun! ; )_

Huh. 

_Thanks, sweetheart._

Dan was a minute later. 

_Go nuts, babe. He gives the best back rubs._

She texted him back - 

_Love you, fuzz face._

_Love you too, pigeon._

She looked up at Arin, and she smiled, suddenly shy. 

“We, uh… we got the go ahead.”

“Good to know,” said Arin, and he rubbed his hands together. “So, uh, shall we… retire to the couch?” 

“Sounds good,” Holly said. 

* * * 

She took her shirt off. It made it easier. 

He used some of her lotion, a deep, woodsy, green smell. It was odd, mixed with his deodorant. 

Not unpleasant. 

“I’m, uh… I’m gonna do your back, okay?” His voice was quiet, and he was close enough that his breath was warm against the back of her neck. 

“Okay,” said Holly, and she sighed at the first touch of his hands across her shoulders. 

It wasn’t that she was lacking in human contact - far from it! 

It was just… nice to have someone touching her who wasn’t going for her belly first thing. 

Arin began to knead, gently, and holy fuck that was… amazing. Also a bit painful, but mainly amazing - his thumbs were digging into pressure points, and he was squeezing, just hard enough to make her bite back moans. 

He moved lower, his knuckles going to the knots in her lower back, and she sagged, forward, sighing, both hands on her belly. 

The baby, which had been blessedly still, began to shift inside of her again, and she sighed. 

Goddamn it. 

Then Arin’s thumbs were pressing into her lower back right above the start of her butt, and that… that hurt, that hurt a lot more than it had a right to, but she bit back the pain as he dug in, until he let go, and then she sighed, shivering, the tension in her lower back easing. 

“How’s that?”

Arin’s voice was quiet, and he was right against her ear. 

If he reached around, he would have been able to touch her breasts without too much trouble. 

… she didn’t know if she wanted that or not, but that was _not_ a thing to be thinking about right now. 

“That’s, uh… that’s nice,” Holly said thickly. 

She was aroused. 

Oh fuck. 

No. 

No fucking way. 

She was not putting up with that. 

“Do you want me to do your feet?” 

“Yeah,” Holly’s traiter mouth said, before her brain could catch up.

Maybe it was because she hadn’t been touched with purpose for a while. Dan had been exhausted lately, Suzy was clearly nervous about Holly’s belly, and Ross had been preoccupied. 

“Okay, let me just, uh… scoot around,” said Arin. 

He sat in front of her, and he grabbed a cushion, resting it on his lap, then putting her feet on top of it. 

“I bet, uh… I bet there’s a bunch of people online who’d pay good money to be in this position,” Arin said, as he delicately pulled her socks off. 

“There’s a lot of people online who’d pay a lot of money to be in a lot of situations,” Holly said archly, as Arin took one of her feet in his big hands.

She still wasn’t exactly wearing pants - she’d put a pair of old pajama shorts on while he had been in the shower, but… well…. 

She hoped she wasn’t wet enough for him to notice. He probably wouldn’t have been able to smell it, with the scent of the lotion and his cologne, but some people have a nose for that kinda thing.

She’d known Arin for almost a decade. There was no way things were gonna get awkward now. 

So she leaned back, and let him work his strong hands on her feet, cracking her toes and kneading at her soles. 

She almost fell asleep, only jolting awake when Dan came in, the door slamming shut.

“I’m home!” 

Paco screeched back at him, and Orph yowled.

“Good to know I was missed,” said Dan, and then he was walking to the living room, bending down to kiss Holly. “How are you?”

“She had knots the size of goddamn tennis balls in her back,” Arin complained, and he did something that made her ankle crack. 

“Wow,” said Dan. “I’m sorry.”

He bent down and kissed Arin as well, then came behind Holly, wrapping his arms around her, his chin on her shoulder. 

She leaned back into him, her eyes sliding shut as Arin began to work her other foot. Dan’s hands were on her belly, Dan’s breath was against her cheek, and it was… it was all _nice_. A nice she hadn’t thought she could access, without Ross.

Maybe she was getting more relaxed. 

She was woken up by Dan cackling, although he was obviously trying to stifle it. She kept her eyes shut, letting the good feelings wash over her, the energy in the room calm. 

“You’ve got a boner?!”

“I’m sorry, okay?!” 

Arin was now rubbing along her legs, and he sounded defensive. 

“I’m not mad, just, like… super fucking amused.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re realizing how hot my girlfriend is.”

“Maybe I’ve got a boner because you’re hot. Did you think of that?”

Dan made a dismissive noise, and Holly made a show of sitting up, rubbing her eyes. 

“So you guys going on a date tonight?”

“Yeah,” said Arin, and he was wearing a goofy look. “Before we get ready for the long haul and have, like, no free time.”

“You gonna take me on a date, Dan?” She was teasing. 

“I mean, uh, when stuff clears up a bit,” said Dan. “I figure you wouldn’t wanna go out, because of the baby.”

“What’s the baby gotta do with anything?”

“You’re tired all the time,” Dan said defensively. 

“Ah.” 

She wasn’t going to have this argument. She didn’t even particularly feel… perturbed. Maybe a touch miffed.

She was beginning to get tired of being seen as pregnant first, before anything else. 

“I’ll take you out to dinner next time I have a free night,” Dan said, and he kissed the top of Holly’s head. “I love you, pigeon.”

“Love you too, fuzz face,” she said. 

Dan crouched down in front of her, pressing his lips into her belly and whispering something to the baby, through her shirt. 

She pet the top of his head, his hair greasy under her fingers. 

She glanced up at Arin, and saw him looking at them with something fever bright and desperate in his eyes, and she looked down, unsure of what she had seen, unsure of how to respond.

“I’ll be home before midnight,” Dan told Holly, kissing her again. 

“I’ll see ya then,” she said. “And, uh… Arin? Thanks for rubbing my feet.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Arin. “If you ever need that kinda help again, just give me a holler. I like making people feel good.”

He was blushing, no doubt realizing the innuendo in what he had just said. 

Holly was turning just as red.

Dan, usually one to pick up on the slightest bit of anything sexual, seemed to miss it. He grabbed Arin by the hand and pulled him upright, the pillow dropping on the floor. 

And Arin had a boner. 

Welp. 

Holly made a big show of examining her fingernails, as Arin hastily rearranged things. 

“Ready to go eat tacos?”

“I am so fucking ready,” Arin said. 

“Good! I’ll see ya later, pigeon!”

“See ya later, fuzz face. Bye, Arin.”

“Bye, Hols.” 

The door closed behind them, and she lay back on the couch. She’d go back to her paperwork in a bit - for now, she just lay there, and she thought about things. 

* * * 

“Hey tweethearts, how’s it goin’? So today is another mail day - thank you all so much for the lovely baby gifts!” 

 

* * * 

“I’m gonna miss you,” said Holly, as Dan packed up his stuff. 

“I’m gonna be back in two weeks,” said Dan, and he draped his arms across her shoulders, pressing his forehead against hers, then kissing her nose. 

“Yeah, but… you’ve been so busy,” Holly said. “Super busy.”

“I’ll be able to be here for a whole month after the baby is born,” Dan pointed out, and he kissed her. “Anyway, you’ve got Suzy, Arin, Ross….”

“But I’ve only got one you,” said Holly, and goddamn it, her lower lip was wobbling.

Fucking hormones. 

“I’ll call you every day,” he told her, as he began to walk downstairs. “Okay?” 

“Okay,” she said, and she kissed him.

He kissed her on the mouth, then bent down and kissed her belly. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” he said, and he sounded… full on choked up. Wow. 

“Are you talking to me or are you talking to me or the baby?”

“Both of you,” said Dan.

“Right,” said Holly, and she tried to bend her mind around being okay with that. 

She’d have to have a talk with him about all of that in the near future. 

Maybe he was all wrapped up in the baby mania. God knew she was working hard not to let it eat her own brain. 

“I love you,” said Dan, seriously. “I love you. As you. Yourself. Not as a baby making machine. You’re just the best. Okay?”

Holly sighed, and she kissed him again. 

“Okay,” she said. 

“I’ll bring you back souvenirs, I promise,” said Dan. 

“You don’t have to,” said Holly. 

“And when I’m back, we can finish decorating the nursery.”

“Are you sure you want me to choose the paint and whatnot?”

“You have good taste,” said Dan, at the front door.

Holly snorted, and she stood on tiptoe, giving him another kiss, then watched him climb into the car with Brian.

She sighed, and then went back inside. 

She had shit to do. 

* * * 

“Are you sure you’re okay with me going out with Morgan?”

“Of course I am.” She kissed him on the cheek and handed him his coat. “I mean it. I’ll be fine.”

“Alright…,” he said. “I’ll see you in the morning. Text me if you need anything, okay?” 

“I will. I promise.” She patted him on the butt. “Now! Go have fun!”

It was three days later. 

Dan was doing something or other with Brian - probably singing about boners - and Ross had been hovering. 

Suzy was still a bit wrapped up in her new girlfriend, which was cute - especially seeing the pattern repeating itself - but it left Holly… well, a bit lonely.

But she wasn’t going to deny Ross his fun.

God knew they weren’t going to have much fun in the near future. 

So she sighed, cuddling up on the couch in a blanket. 

And then her phone buzzed.

It was from Arin. 

_What’s up?_

_Not much. I’ve got the house to myself._

_Me too - Suzy’s with Sarah._

_Ross and Morgan are probably having manic food fueled… something or other right now._

_... something or other?_

_I dunno what they get up to. I just know that Morgan likes food._

_Does that mean that you do manic sexy stuff with birds?_

_I mean, I could try if I really wanted to._

Holly sighed, and the baby shifted inside of her, almost rolling over. 

She was getting so big. It wasn’t fair.

Dan wasn’t even going to be at the sonogram. 

Goddamn it. 

_What are you up to tonight?_

_Not much. Anime and leftovers._

_Wanna come over?_

… where did that come from? 

Shit. 

_Sure. I just need to shower first._

… shit. Why did she do that? 

Crap.

She texted Suzy, quickly as possible.

_Is it okay if I have Arin over for dinner? I think I may want to kiss him, or… do other stuff. Is that okay?_

_It’s totally okay. Have fun, guys!_

Right. 

Now to text Dan.

_Is it okay if I kiss Arin? Or, like, other stuff?_

_Sure. You got fun stuff planned?_

_... I have no idea._

_I love you, pigeon. Have fun!_

_Love you too, fuzzface._

* * * 

Arin arrived at her front door, fresh faced and newly showered. His hair was damp and tied back behind his head, and he was smiling at her with his whole face. 

“I brought food,” he said. “It’s not pickles and ice cream, but it’s something.”

Holly made a face. 

“You know, that’s just a stereotype,” she told him, slowly making her way into the kitchen and sitting down slowly. 

“You’ve gotten _huge_ ,” Arin said. “I mean, it’s been, what, two weeks since I saw you?”

“Gee, thanks,” said Holly, giving him a Look. 

Maybe she’d jumped the gun a bit, asking about things like kissing. 

“No, wait, fuck.” Arin sighed, and he got on one knee in front of her, taking her hand between his and kissing her knuckles. “I’m sorry.” 

“You’re forgiven,” Holly said, and she wasn’t expecting such an… intimate moment. 

Why was she getting wet between the legs?

The baby seemed to sense the jump in her hormones, and it nudged against the front of her belly, pushing the skin outwards.

“Whoa,” said Arin, and his voice was full of wonder.

He let go of her hand, putting both of his flat on her belly.

The baby pressed against them, with a tiny knee or a fist or… something. 

“I know,” Holly said, in a resigned tone. “It’s amazing. Miracle of life.”

“I mean, you made it,” said Arin, looking up at her.

He had the most lovely brown eyes. 

She raised an eyebrow. 

“I mean it,” he said. “You’re amazing!”

He leaned forward, kissing her right over her navel, and then he pulled back, looking shy.

“... sorry,” he said. “That was, uh… kind of impulsive.”

“It’s okay,” Holly said, her hands going to the top of his head, sifting it through her fingers. 

“Do you like it when I kiss you?” His voice was going deeper.

“Well… I mean, my stomach gets all the attention these days,” Holly said, a bit breathless. 

Everything felt a bit… tense. There was some kind of pressure building, and who even knew what it was. 

“That’s a shame,” said Arin, and he kept eye contact with her as his hands moved from her belly to her sides, squeezing them. 

She made a quiet noise, but nodded when he raised an eyebrow. 

His hands moved up, until they were almost in her armpits, and he kept eye contact, his hands dry and warm through the thin fabric of her dress.

She wore a lot of dresses these days - they were just less of a hassle. 

Although right now she was wishing she had on a pair of tights maybe.

Or maybe she was wishing she was naked.

A bunch of mixed signals, but she did know she didn’t want him to ever stop. 

… metaphorically. 

Arin’s hand moved forward, and he was just barely touching her breast with the inside of his wrist, his hand on her arm, the fingers spread wide enough to cover her tattoo. 

She licked her lips, and when he raised an eyebrow, she nodded.

… what was she agreeing to? 

His hand moved closer to her breast, and he leaned further forward, his face against her belly.

And then the baby kicked him in the nose.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Arin sat back, rubbing his nose.

“I’m so sorry,” said Holly, and she was… she was starting to giggle. 

Not even out of the womb, and already a cock block. 

“Well, uh, I can… what would you like?”

“For you to not stop,” she said thickly. 

“Not stop what?”

“Touching me.”

“What, anywhere?”

“Anywhere.”

“With anything?” 

“... depends what anything is.” She leaned back against the table, arching her back, one hand on her belly, her elbow resting on the table. “No wire hangers or bleach.”

“I’m really resisting the urge to make a joke referencing Mummy Dearest,” said Arin, both hands on her belly. 

“You’d better,” she said, poking him in the thigh with her foot.

“Well,” said Arin, “I guess I can stop beating around the bush.” He made a flourishing gesture with his hands. “I would very much like to get you off.”

“Like… just you getting me off?”

“Yeah,” said Arin.

“You don’t want me to do anything for you?”

“Well, I mean….” Arin made a vague gesture with his hands. “I get off on making people feel good.” He paused. “Anyway, I feel like it’d be weird if I fucked you like this.”

“What, in my kitchen?”

“No, while you’re pregnant.”

“The baby is in a different part of me,” Holly said, in a slightly exasperated tone of voice. She was going to have to have this talk with Dan as well - she could already tell. 

“Well, yeah, I know that. I just like….” He looked embarrassed. “I don’t want to crush anyone.”

“Do you worry about crushing Suzy?”

“You’re smaller than she is.”

“Not now, I’m not!”

“Well,” said Arin, “I can’t crush you if I’m eating you out. And I would very much like to.” He paused. “Although if you don’t want me to, then we can, uh, we can eat dinner and cuddle. Or not cuddle, and just keep each other company or something.” 

“I’d be up for you eating me out,” said Holly. 

Wow. 

That was a sentence.

“Excellent,” said Arin, and he gently pushed her skirt up, sliding his fingers into the waistband of her panties and looking up at her with his big brown eyes.

She was turning into a sucker for brown eyes. 

She lifted her ass up for him to remove her panties, and he pressed them against his cheek, before dropping them next to him.

She raised an eyebrow.

“Creep,” she told him affectionately, her hand on his head. 

“You smell nice,” he said, and he was kissing along her thighs, pushing her thighs a bit further apart, nipping them gently, getting up on his knees.

The very tip of his nose was right up against the longest piece of her pubic hair. 

How was she so wet, already? 

Was it because it was Arin? Was it because she wanted someone to touch her?

* * * 

Arin’s technique was different. 

Of course Arin's technique was different, if Ross and Dan had a different technique, why would Arin's be the same?

But he was just... he was doing something, something with the very tip of his tongue, enough to make her gasp, her eyes squeezing shut, her thighs pressing against his ears.

Arin pulled back, and he was breathing heavily. 

"Um," he said. 

"Um?"

"I can't breathe when you do that."

"What?" 

"When you squeeze your legs like that, I can't breathe." 

"Oh. Sorry."

She tried to relax her thighs, but he was licking her again, harder, his nose ground against his clit, his tongue inside of her, wriggling inside of her. 

His fingers were sliding into her pussy, curling against her g-spot, lapping at her clit, then sucking on it, kneading at her thigh with his other hand.

Her belly was jerking and moving, the baby was moving, and she was close, she was moaning so hard that she was amazing that the cats weren't glaring at her, as she humped his mouth, as she got ever closer, as she covered her face with both hands and bit her fingers to keep from rattling the windows.

She humped against his mouth, and the baby wriggled inside of her, and she was so close, she was... she was... she....

She came across his face, hard enough that there was squirt dripping down his face, down his chin, and he flopped back against the table, looking up at her with a satisfied expression.

"You're fucking amazing," he told her. 

"W-w-what?" 

She licked her lips. 

"You're amazing," Arin said again, and he was staring at her with a terrifying intensity. 

He kissed her belly, nuzzling along her navel, and the baby kicked him. 

"What are you... what?" She blinked down. 

"Would you like me to keep eating you out?" Arin smiled at her, licking his lips. He didn't seem to be offput at all by her slight addelement. 

"I mean," Holly said, "that was a pretty good orgasm!" She laughed, a bit unsteady.

"Well, yeah," said Arin, "but I can give you a better one."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"Well... if you're willing to put your money where your mouth is," Holly said, and she smiled at him, a bit nervous, sweat running down her breasts. 

"Oh, of course," said Arin. "Although I think it'd be nice to have your back a bit more supported. The bed?"

"Yeah," said Holly, and she stood up, weak in the knees, her pussy leaving wet spots on her thighs. 

The baby surged forward, and she made a surprised noise, putting her hand on her belly. 

"Wow," said Arin. He paused, one hand extended. "Can I, uh... can I feel it?"

"Yeah," Holly said, and she shivered. "Yeah, you... yeah."

Both of Arin's hands went to her belly, and he rested them there, wearing an expression close to reverent. 

Then her stomach gurgled, and she made a face.

"Was that the baby?"

"No, no," said Holly, and... some other stuff happened.

She blushed.

"Don't worry about it," said Arin, and he started to chuckle. "I've done worse."

"Well, yeah," said Holly. "You've also shit yourself on camera."

"I heard that you shit yourself when you give birth," Arin said, offering a hand up.

Her belly jerked forward, jumping up, and she held on with both hands. 

She stood up, rubbing her belly, making a face. 

"That's really helpful," she said. "Real encouraging."

"At least it probably won't get filmed and broadcasted by who even knows how many other people."

"You didn't have to post that episode," she pointed out, waddling slowly towards the bedroom. 

"Well, yeah, but why not?" He snickered. "I'm kinda known for being gross. Gotta keep up my brand recognition!"

"Your brand recognition of shitting yourself occasionally," Holly said, deadpan. 

Arin kissed the top of her head, his arms around her, both hands on her belly, his erection against her lower back. 

"Exactly," said Arin, and his facial hair was ticklish against her neck. 

* * *

He ate her out some more, belly down on her bed, his hands on her thighs, then moving up.

The baby squirmed and wriggled, kicking at Holly's insides, and it was almost bad enough to put her off of the oral sex, but... well, this was good oral sex.

Really good.

How was it that Suzy walked around in her day to day life? How did she not spend her time sitting on Arin's face, how did she even put up with Holly's awkward fumblings, when Arin was _this_ good.

Something wet was against her ankle, and then she was cumming again, wet and desperate against his face, along his chin, down to his cheeks, until it was pooling under her butt.

"I'm sorry about that," Arin said, looking up at her and kissing her belly.

The baby nudged against him.

"What happened?" She blinked at him, or at least tried to - she couldn't see him over the dome of her belly. 

"I kinda came on your leg," he mumbled, looking sheepish. 

"You didn't want me to do anything for you?" She reached for him, and he crawled closer, letting her wrap her arms around him, forehead to forehead, belly to belly, breathing each other's breath. 

"You let me eat you out," he said, and he leaned forward, pressing a cautious, sticky kiss against her mouth. 

She kissed him back, then pulled back, pulling a pubic hair off of his nose.

"So those grew back."

"You didn't know?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I can't see my feet," she told him. "How would I be able to see my genitals."

"... good point," Arin said, and he kissed her temple. "Well, give it a few months, and then you won't even have the energy to think about what your own genitals look like."

"So everyone tells me," Holly said, and she snuggled up to him.

Arin was big and warm, and he was sweaty and gross, as gross as she was.

There was something satisfying about that. 

Something complicated, but something nice.

She missed Dan, like a limb, but Arin.... Arin was _here_. 

* * * 

Holly tried not to squirm too much, as the baby wriggled inside of her, pressing against her full bladder.

She’d always hated ultrasounds, but… well, this one was taking the cake.

Ross was holding her hand, squeezing her fingers, and she glanced up at him.

He grinned.

“It looks like some kind of fungus,” Ross said.

Holly snorted.

“Is that a way to talk about your child?” The technician teased. “I mean, you did make half of that fungus!”

“Oh, I didn’t,” said Ross. 

The technician turned pink, and Holly bit her lip to keep from making any commentary. 

“Well,” said the technician, and she looked over at Holly, “do you want to know the sex?”

Holly shook her head. 

“I’d like it to be a surprise,” she said.

“Well,” the technician said, “everything seems to be in order.” 

“That’s good,” said Holly.

What else was she supposed to say?

 

“It’s a bit… big, for this point, but you might just have big genes.”

Holly cleared her throat, blushing. 

“I, uh… I’ll ask the… other set of genes.”

Ross snorted. 

* * * 

“Can I see it?” The camera shook, and then Dan was lying flat on his back, the laptop on his belly. 

“Yeah, sure, hold on,” Holly said. 

She’d put the laptop on her own belly, but the baby would probably kick it off.

Ross was flat on his back, snoring quietly. He’d been doing VR all day, and had more or less fallen into bed.

She wasn’t complaining - she was dead tired as well. 

“Hold on,” said Holly, and she grabbed the sonogram. “Didn’t I already text it to you?”

 

“Well, yeah, you did, but… still.” 

“Still what?”

“... I wanna not be crying while I look at it,” he said, and he sounded self conscious. 

Holly snorted.

“You’re such a dork,” she told him, holding up the piece of paper.

“What is it?”

“Probably human.”

Dan rolled his eyes, grainy on the crappy laptop camera.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “I figure we don’t need to worry about that too much.”

“Easy for you to say!”

“Excuse me?” She raised an eyebrow. “You’re not the one getting pummeled from the inside.” 

“I wish I was,” he said, and there was something very sad in his voice, something that made her… a little bit uncomfortable, in a way that she couldn’t put her finger on. 

“Well,” Holly said, and she cleared her throat. “When are you coming home?”

“Next Thursday,” he told her. “I love you, pigeon. Get some sleep.”

“I love you too, fuzz face.” She blew him a kiss.

He caught it, and pressed it against his cheek. 

* * * 

“I can’t believe this is your color scheme,” said Suzy, carefully applying the wash of green and purple along the wall.

“Why not? Grey is a good color!” 

Holly, clad in an old pair of jeans and one of Arin’s swiped shirts, held her own paintbrush, beginning on the other wall, that had already been washed. 

“You’re giving the baby a pigeon colored nursery.”

“Ross was okay with it!”

“What about Dan?” 

“He’s not here, he doesn’t get a say,” said Holly, and okay, that was a bit mean, but… screw it. She had a right to be a bit mean. 

The baby wouldn’t stay still, and she had to pee every five minutes.

And it was only six months in. 

Three more months of this.

But she was painting, and Arin was making sandwiches, and Suzy was painting, and Ross was cooking, and the only thing that would make it better would be if Dan was here with her. 

“Your baby is gonna think it’s a pigeon,” Suzy said.

Holly giggled in spite of herself, and she stood on tiptoe to get to the higher parts of the wall. 

“I mean, I know how to deal with pigeons,” she said.

“Babies aren’t that much different,” Ross said. “You feed them, you clean up after them, you hose them down every few days….”

Holly gave him a Look. 

“Holly,” said a voice from the door, “pigeon, the paint fumes can’t be safe for the baby!”

Holly turned around, and there was Dan, tousled, sleepy eyed and anxious. 

“Hi to you too,” she said.

… why was she angry?

Like, actually, teeth grindingly angry. 

The heck? She had missed him.

But the first thing he said to her was just about what she could and couldn’t do, because of the baby. 

“This can’t be safe,” said Dan, and he went to grab at her arm.

She shook it off.

There was a quiet creaking noise, and Ross and Suzy were both slinking away. 

Welp.

Something was about to boil over.

“Dan,” Holly said, slowly and carefully, “I looked that up. Myself. It’s safe.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, I’m sure,” said Holly, slowly and carefully. “Why are you here early?”

“I… I wanted to surprise you,” he said, and his voice faltered. “Are you not surprised?”

“I’m surprised,” she said flatly. 

“Are you mad at me?” Dan sounded so… heartbroken, and goddamn it, her eyes were starting to well up, and that was _not_ something she needed.

Or wanted. 

“Dan,” she said, and her voice was choked up, “Dan, I’m not just… you promised I’d be more than just the baby. And.. and if you’re doing all of this for the baby, all this working harder, and....”

And there were tears dripping down her face, puddling off her chin, and she sobbed harder, breathing heavily, and this was just… why was she being _that_ kinda person.

“I get you wanna work before the baby comes,” she continued, soldiering on, “but I want to have some time with you before we end up being parents, and I miss you so much, it’s like someone took my right hand, and it’s just….”

HIs hand was on the back of her head, and she was crying into his shirt, loud, ugly tears, and his face was in her hair, more tears dripping into her scalp, and he was shaking as he held her, the rise of her belly between them, and the baby was pressing and wriggling against him, kicking and nudging at the strange pressure against it. 

“I’m sorry,” Dan said thickly. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy. I’m sorry it’s been so crazy, I’ve just been… trying to get it all out of the way, but… that’s not working, if it’s making you unhappy I’ll cut back, I’m sorry.” He snuffled wetly, and she was going to have to wash her hair, which was unfortunate, but fuck it. 

“I’m sorry too,” she mumbled.

At least her head was clearer, and the knot of concrete she’d been carrying right under her collarbone had loosened. 

“It’s okay,” he said, and he dug through his pockets, handing her a tissue.

She blew her nose, and he blew his nose.

“Let’s get married,” said Dan.

“What.”

Her voice was flat. 

How was she supposed to answer to that? 

“I mean, we can’t be legally married,” Dan said quickly. “But… we could go to Jersey, my parent’s shul, we could… we could have a little ceremony, out in the garden?”

“What.”

“... I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Dan said, and he was turning red. “We’re having a baby together, we live together, we’ve got tattoos for each other… I want to get married.”

“Okay,” said Holly.

“Okay, let’s get married? Or okay, you understand?”

“Okay, let’s get married.” She licked her lips.

Because why not?

Was that a good way to look at getting married? 

“Are you sure?” He gave her a concerned look. 

“... yeah,” she said. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“I… I got you a ring,” he told her. 

“Do you want me to get you a ring?”

“That’d be nice, if it’s not too much trouble,” said Dan. 

“... when?” 

“Next weekend?” He licked her lips. “I… I’ve talked to Ross about this. I asked him.”

She raised an eyebrow. 

“Getting permission from my owner?”

“No, clearing it with him first, since he’s also married to you.” He put both hands up. “It wasn’t a permission thing. Just… you know, a, kinda… not stepping on any toes thing.” He cleared his throat. 

“Right,” said Holly. 

She sniffed again, wiping her nose, and she leaned against him. 

“Do you want help with the nursery?” 

“Yeah,” she said. 

“Okay,” said Dan, and he kissed her forehead. “Hey pigeon?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for being so amazing.”

She snorted, and the baby kicked against him again. 

“Hi in there,” Dan said quietly, and his big hands spanned across her belly, the baby kicking against his palms. “Hi.”

“I think it missed you,” Holly said shyly. 

It was weird to think of the thing inside of her as a person, that could miss someone. 

“I missed it - them? - too. But I missed you the most.” He kissed her forehead. 

“I missed you too.” 

* * * 

“Is it gonna have to be a big ring?” Holly squeezed Suzy’s fingers, as the two of them made their way towards the jewelry district. “He has huge hands.”

“Only his thumbs are huge,” said Suzy. “Although I’m a bit weirded out by how much I’ve been paying attention to his hands lately.”

Holly raised an eyebrow. 

“I mean, uh, if you want to… experience them firsthand… as it were…” 

Suzy blushed, and Holly snickered. 

The jewelry store clerk looked at both of them - took in their mismatched wedding rings, their clasped fingers.

He just smiled. 

* * *  
Three stores later, no luck. 

“How is one man so damn hard to buy for?!” 

"By being as weird as Dan?" Suzy held Holly's hand, as she sat down, slowly, one hand on her lower back. 

"He's not that weird," Suzy said defensively, leaning against Suzy, her head on Suzy's shoulder. 

The baby was wriggling and kicking, enough that it was visible through her shirt. A few passersby were looking on, surprised. 

Holly groaned, covered her face with both hands.

"I hate this," she said. "I well and truly hate this. With every fiber of my being."

"I know," said Suzy, and she kissed Holly on the temple, pulling her closer, so that the two of them were more or less cuddled up.

It was more... PDA than either of them was usually comfortable with, but fuck it. 

Holly was exhausted and sore, and she was going to be getting on a plane in no short order, which was going to suck even more.

But right now, it was her and it was Suzy, and that was okay. 

She kissed Suzy, and the baby stayed still, giving her a moment of peace.

* * *

They found the ring at a corner stand.

"It's probably gonna turn his finger a new color," Holly said, after they'd walked out of earshot of the nice old woman who had sold it to them. 

"It's very you guys, though," said Suzy. "I think he'll love it."

"I wish she hadn't decided to do the gender divining thing on my belly," said Holly, making a face. 

They had borrowed Holly's wedding ring for the trick, and the woman had thrown in a free chain to go with it. Holly would probably find a use for it, somehow.

You never know when you need an extra gold chain.

According to the wedding ring trick, it was a boy. 

According to the sonogram, it was probably human.

So a possibly human boy.

"I'd think you'd be the most into it," said Suzy, nudging Holly in the side with her elbow. "Madam forest hag."

"Baba Yaga would never pull some shit like that," Holly said, still grumpy. "She'd just tell you that it was going to be a baby and then count all of your spoons."

"What, like in the disability sense?" 

"What do you mean, in the disability sense?"

"Like, the spoon theory."

"How would you even count that?" Holly rubbed her belly in slow circles as they made their way back to the car. 

"I have no idea," said Suzy. 

"But no, like... spoons. Actual spoons. The things that you eat with."

"... okay." Suzy leaned back into the driver's seat, getting more comfortable, then starting the car. "Why would you count spoons?"

"Because that's what Baba Yaga does," Holly said, in the most "no, duh!" tone of voice.

"But why does she do it in the first place?"

"Because she's the Baba Yaga!" 

"And that's who you wanna be?"

"Yeah, at some point."

"... can I stay in your chicken leg house, at least?"

"I'll give you your own room."

"That's all I ask," said Suzy, and she squeezed Holly's fingers.

Holly squeezed hers back, watching the scenery go by.

* * *

"You know, I do believe that was my most humiliating airport security experience," said Holly, leaning against Dan as he helped her put her shoes back on.

They were on their way to Jersey.

Slowly. 

Well, she was moving slowly. She'd had to have a pat down, which had been... exceedingly unpleasant.

Apparently the freeloader had disagreed as well, judging by how hard the kick to the lungs had been. 

But now they were on their way, stuck in the airport until it was time to get on the plane, to take them to New Jersey.

To get married.

Sort of.

It was weird doing this without any of their friends. Weirder still to be doing it without Ross, who had transcended "friend", and landed straight into "third" territory.

Or was Dan the third, since he'd entered into the relationship? Or was Holly the third, for that matter, since Dan and Ross were doing... some kind of thing.

Her head hurt, her feet hurt, her legs hurt, her back hurt....

"Why are we doing this, Dan?" 

"Because my parents want to meet their new grandbaby but also don't want to fly out to LA."

Holly blew a raspberry.

Dan snorted and kissed her knee.

Holly patted the top of his head.

"Well," she said, "the next time, they're visiting."

"They'd never ask you to bring the baby on an airplane," said Dan.

"They are now," said Holly defensively.

"Only vaguely," said Dan, both hands on her belly and kissed it, then helped her stand up. "Technically it's riding you." 

"... I didn't need that image," said Holly, and she prodded him in the side.

"A thousand pardons," said Dan. "Shall I make it up to you with a milkshake?"

"Well," said Holly, "it's a start."

He bowed. 

She burst out laughing, loud enough that the people nearby glanced up. 

* * * 

"Hey tweethearts, how's it goin'? I'm outta town for the weekend, but I'm just posting this so you guys know that everything is okay! Me and the freeloader are doin' well!" 

* * * 

"I'm sorry you have to sleep on the floor," said Holly, her hand going down towards Dan's. 

The couldn't both fit on the bed. Even if they tried.

Between Holly and the baby, there wasn't any space for Dan, even if he curled in the tightest ball. 

"It's okay. It's better than you sleeping on the floor." Dan squeezed her hand, then kissed her knuckles. 

"Do you think your parents like me?" 

"I'm pretty sure my parents like you," said Dan, stroking the pad of his thumb along the tips of her fingers. "I know that I love you very much, and they can tell that I love you."

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

"Do you think that's enough?"

"It is." He kissed her hand again. 

"How did you sleep in this bed?" Holly stared up at the ceiling, trying to get comfortable. "I can feel the springs digging into my back!"

"You get used to it," Dan said, his voice drowsy. 

She snorted, and squeezed his fingers.

She was still holding on as she drifted off to sleep. 

* * * 

The were out in the garden, in the back of Dan’s parent’s shul. 

There was some kind of sheet over them like a tent, and they were facing each other. 

She was holding a ring, in her palm. 

She was wearing a shawl, made of that same starry night fabric that he had given her for Valentine’s day. 

He was smiling at her.

His parents were behind them, smiling as well. 

The rabbi was speaking in Hebrew, rhythmically, and it would probably all mean a ton of stuff if she knew any Hebrew whatsoever.

It was all a bit of a blur - everything was a bit far off, and her heart was beating very fast. 

Dan was stepping on a glass. 

Dan was stepping on a glass, and the rabbi was talking about rings.

There were words coming out of her mouth - how about that?

But she was looking into his eyes, and the baby was shifting inside of her, and she put a ring on his finger - it was gold, to match the pendant he’d gotten her lo those many months ago, and it had a feather engraved on it. 

Her ring was silver, and it had a single musical note on it. 

It would have been cheesy, except her heart was pounding in her ears, and now it was on her finger, and she was standing on tiptoe to kiss him, her belly pressed against his. 

The baby gave him a firm kick in the gut, and he made a surprised noise. 

“Mazal tov!” 

* * * 

And now, they were having lunch.

Some other stuff might have happened - _must_ have happened!

Because they were all now sitting around Dan’s parent’s kitchen table, and they were eating vegetarian lasagna, and she was putting it away, because the freeloader was nothing, if not a black hole just hanging out under her navel. 

Dan’s grandmother had her hand on Holly’s belly, and Holly was trying not to squirm too much - she was on her way to overstimulation. 

But the baby pressed against its great-grandmother’s hand, and she leaned back into her chair and let the talk and the people wash over her, keeping up conversation when it was pointed in her direction.

* * * 

"So we're staying in a bed and breakfast?" Holly walked carefully along the path, towards the small cabin.

"Yeah. I always wanted to come here, if I got married," said Dan. He was blushing, but he looked pleased with himself.

He'd been beaming since they'd left the shul, but now she was finally catching up.

"Are you... are you happy?" Dan held his hand out to her, balancing a suitcase with his other one. "I'm sorry we can't have a long, proper honeymoon."

"Two days is a good amount of time," said Holly. "The pigeons would start to pine if I ended up leaving them." 

"Pining for the fjords?" Dan waggled his eyebrows, letting go of her hand to unlock the door.

"Leigh Daniel Avidan, if you are quoting Monty Python at me on the night of our wedding, I will walk back to your parent's house and sleep on your creaky childhood bed."

"A thousand pardons, my darling," said Dan. He actually got on one knee, holding her hand in his own, kissing her knuckles, his other hand on her belly. 

"Are you talking to me or the baby?"

"I mean," said Dan, and he fluttered his eyelashes at her, still kneeling in front of her, "I'm planning on eating your pussy until you can't use your knees."

"... oh," said Holly, and she blushed. "Yeah, that'd be me."

"... this is actually going to uncomfortable places," Dan said, and he cleared his throat. "So, uh, you wanna go inside?"

"Do you want me to do it here?" His tone was purely conversational.

"No, no, let's...." She stepped in, carefully, and she let him close the door.

And then she kissed him. 

They were pressed close together, belly to belly, the baby mercifully still for once, and her hands were on his face, his scruff rough against her palms, his lips soft and warm. 

All of him was warm and soft, his fingers were in her hair, then her hands were on his back, they were kissing, they were... they... they were... oh....

His hands were under the straps of her dress, pushing them down, and he was pushing the shawl carefully off of her shoulders. 

He was behind her, kissing along the back of her neck, and his hands were on her breasts, gentle, pushing down the front of her dress. 

He fumbled with the front of her bra, and she sighed as her breasts were released. 

"Oh," said Dan, "I can never get over how fucking gorgeous you are."

"I'm almost seven months pregnant," Holly murmured, leaning back against him, Her belly was huge, her breasts were bigger, all of her was just... more. 

But he was moaning, nuzzling into her neck, kissing along it, behind her ear, as he kneaded her breasts, gently. 

"I've missed you so much," he murmured into her ear.

"I miss me," Holly said, morose.

Dan sighed, deep in the back of his throat. He came around to her front, putting his hands on her cheeks and making their eyes meet.

The feather ring was cold against her skin.

"You're still Holly," he said. "You were Holly when I met you, you were Holly when I accidentally bookmarked that wiki about your feet, you were Holly when I picked you up from that restaurant, you were Holly the first time we had sex, when you got sick, when you got pregnant... you're still Holly." He kissed each of her palms, carefully. "If you... if you decided you don't want to be a girl anymore, you'll still be Holly. Or whatever name you want. When you have the baby you'll be Holly. If you lost your leg or you your boobs or your arms you'd still be Holly."

"Will I still be Holly when I'm a mom?" She snuffled, and she hated it. 

Fucking hormones. 

"You'll always be Holly," he promised. "And I'll always love you." 

Her heart seized up. "Forever" talk was... forever talk was terrifying. 

But marriage - even unofficial, not-legal marriage - was pretty forever. Tattoos were pretty forever. 

Children were pretty forever, in their own way. 

She was admittedly pretty lukewarm towards the freeloader, but the idea of losing it... something in her chest just _hurt_ , and she wasn't going to go down that line at all. 

"I love you too," she told him, and she kissed him on the mouth, sloppily, desperately. 

It was sinking in - that they were married. That this was as close to forever as these squishy mortal frames would allow. 

"Will you allow me to fuck you?" Dan sounded like he was going to start laughing, or maybe crying, his breath tickling her upper lip.

"I thought you were gonna say something cheesier, like "make love" or something like that," said Holly, and she hiccuped.

So did the baby. 

Goddamn it. 

"Welp," said Dan, looking down. "It seems we have company."

"Please don't stop," Holly said, and she tried to pull him closer. "Please, _please_ don't stop."

"I'm not gonna," said Dan, and he leaned down, kissing the bird pendant, then the soft skin around it. He was kissing along the top of her breast, then moving lower, taking one breast in his hand. 

She sat on the bed, and he kneeled in front of her, his hands on her thighs. He pushed the dress up, until it was around her hips, and then he kissed her nipple, taking it in. 

Holly sighed, and she shivered.

He sucked at her nipples, one, then the other, and she curled her toes in her stockings, moaning quietly. It felt... it felt strange, and nobody had given her this kind of attention - even Arin had been anxious about interacting with them, considering how sore she'd been.

But this was... this was sweet, this was nice, this was wonderful. 

He pulled back, licking his lips, looking a bit surprised.

"You're, uh, you're... leaking," he said.

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry," Holly mumbled, and she tried to cover her breasts with her hands.

"No, no, it's okay," Dan said quickly, and he kissed her other nipple. "Please. Can I continue?"

"I want to touch you," she said, her hands going to his face, thumbing his cheekbone. "All of you."

"Can I make you cum first?" 

She snorted. 

“We both married each other,” she reminded him. “It’s not just about me.”

“I missed your pussy,” Dan said. “C’mon. It’s been almost a month.”

She blushed.

They hadn’t done more than some vague making out, it was true.

So now he was sinking in front of her, kissing along the inside of her thigh, moving up further, until he was nuzzling into the gusset of her panties. 

He glanced up at her through his eyelashes, nibbling the nylon. 

“If I rip these off, can I get you a new pair?” 

“Just pull them down,” said Holly, and she lifted her butt up just enough for him to yank her panties down, leaving her in her thigh high stockings and her bunched up dress. 

“You don’t let me have any fun,” said Dan. “I guess I’ll have to make my own.” 

And then he planted his face into her pussy.

He was lacking some of his usual finesse - he used his whole mouth on her, the brute force approach, versus his usual scalpel-fine tip of his tongue. 

But oh, was it sweet. 

He knew all her good spots, and she'd almost forgotten how good at this he could be, as he fucked her open with his mouth, then brought his fingers into play.

The baby was wriggling inside of her, and she didn't even care right now.

She was married to him. 

Like, actually married. 

She held on to her own hair, twisting it in her fingers, and she ground against his face as he licked her and licked her, his long fingers finding her g-spot with ease and pressing down as he began to suck on her clit, which wrung an orgasm out of her, squirt gushing down his face.

He pulled back, licking his lips, and he smiled at her. 

"I missed you," he said, his eyes level with her pussy, his mouth warm and familiar against her thigh as he kissed along it, the very tip of his nose just brushing the very tip of her clit.

"Are you talking to me, or to my nether regions?"

"I can't be talking to both?" He sat back, to give her a full view of his face, and he smiled.

"I miss them," Holly said balefully. "I haven't seen them in months."

"Well, soon you'll be able to see them," said Dan, and he kissed her belly, nuzzling the underside of it. 

His face was still damp with her squirt.

She shivered - she was full on dreading giving birth, the kind of deep existential dread one typically associates with things like root canals.

Only moreso.

But now wasn't the time for that, was it? They were on something like their honeymoon, and they were gonna do their best to be happy. 

"So," said Dan, "I've... I wrote a new song. For you, I mean."

"Yeah?" Her voice was soft, as he moved further up along her body, until he was lying on the bed next to her.

It was an interesting thing to think about, obviously, but... in the moment, she was much more interested in getting her hands on every inch of him that she could reach.

He'd never taken off his nice button off, and it was sticky and damp with her slick and her squirt.

She tugged him closer to her, and began to unbutton, until she could run her hands over his bare chest.

His sparse chest hair was wiry against her palms, and he moaned when she thumbed his nipples, running her hands along the long, smooth expanse of him.

She untucked his shirt, pushing it off of him, and she pulled him to her, kissing along his neck, bending her neck at an awkward angle to lick his nipple. 

"Sit on me," said Dan, his voice a bit dozy.

"I'll crush you," Holly said, temporarily nonplussed. 

"Arin sits on my lap, he has to be heavier than you," said Dan. 

"Well... okay," said Holly, straddling him nervously. 

The front of her belly pressed against his, and the baby pressed against him, and that was weird, and he looked momentarily nonplussed.

Then he leaned forward and kissed her, and they were kissing like it was the end of the world in the dim light, skin on skin, mouth on mouth, his chest hair pricking her nipples, his lips trailing down to her neck, her shoulder.

"You're so fucking beautiful," Dan said reverentially, his long arms wrapped around her, resting on her back. "Holy fuck, just... fuck." He pressed his forehead against hers, and they breathed each other's breath, panting. 

"I'm not... myself," Holly said, and it was true - this wasn't who she was. 

She wasn't pregnant, as a person. She just happened to be pregnant, right now.

Although come to think of it, was _anyone_ pregnant as a person?

... yeah. She'd met a few of those people. 

That wasn't her. 

"You're still you," Dan said, and he kissed her cheeks, his face still musky and smelling like her. "I promise."

She sighed. 

"Well," she said, "since I'm still me, are you still gonna fuck me?"

"I thought you'd never ask," said Dan, and he grinned, grinding his still covered erection against her. 

"This is me asking," she told him, and there was a teasing edge to her voice. "Although, um... we need to get your pants off first."

"That would be helpful, yes," said Dan, his voice dry. 

Holly prodded him, and she got up on her knees to allow him to fiddle his pants open, until his cock was between her labia, and she was grinding against it, the head right against her clit. 

Hands down, one of her favorite positions. She could probably cum, just from this stimulation.

"Pigeon, I'm gonna cum if you keep that up," Dan said, his voice thick. 

"That wouldn't be so bad," Holly said, still grinding. 

She was going to cum herself, if she kept rubbing like this, breathing heavily, her hips rocking forward, her belly pressing against his. 

To his credit, he stayed still, as she ground down on the hot, solid length of him, panting. 

He was... he was getting off on this. She could feel him swelling, throbbing under her - he was getting off on being a thing that she was using to get off, a thing that just gave her pleasure.

Which is not to say that he wasn't enjoying himself - oh, far be it from that. 

He was moaning, gasping, groaning, humping against her shallowly. 

But this was for her, his fever bright eyes staring up at her, his breath coming in harsh, desperate gasps. 

She came on his dick, wet and twitching, and she sagged forward, breathing heavily, sweat dripping down her face.

She was still wearing her dress, and she was going to need to replace it soon, because it was... it was a bit of a mess. More slime and slick on Dan's groin, across his thighs, and they were both kind of... sticky, but Dan's face was rapturous, and he was smiling.

"Can I put it in you? Please?" His voice was thick, almost choked up. "It'll be the... the first time I've fucked you, married."

"I mean," Holly said, "I've been married as long as I've known you." She was giggling as she got up on her knees, her hands on his shoulders. 

"You ready for Excalibur?" He nudged her head of his cock against the entrance of her pussy, pushing it between her slippery labia. 

"I've missed Excalibur," she said, and then she made a face. "I can't believe I'm talking about your dick like that now."

"I knew you'd come around," said Dan, and he was still teasing her slit with the tip of his cock, enough to make her shudder and squirm. "Do you want it in you?"

"I've come around two or three times," Holly said, and she was giggling as she sank down on it, carefully. 

"I can't believe you," Dan said, breathless, as she settled herself entirely on his dick, grinding her clit against his pubic bone.

The baby bounced inside of her, and she made a surprised noise. 

"What the heck?"

Dan put both hands on her belly, looking over it with concern, as it heaved again.

"... it's got the hiccups," said Holly, in a disbelieving tone of voice. 

_Really_? Now? 

"It can do that?!" Dan's cock twitched inside of her.

"Yep," said Holly, with an annoyed expression. "It does that."

"Do you want me to stop?"

" _No!_ " 

"Okay, okay!" Dan was chuckling, beginning to bounce her, carefully. 

Holly moaned, clenching around him, and he gave a groaning, stuttering gasp, clutching at her hips. 

"You're so tight," he mumbled, pressing their forehead together as he rolled his hips up, barely moving, but clearly doing something, because his penis was getting thicker inside of her, and he was letting go of her hips to rub her clit with his thumb, just hard enough that it sent her gasping, beginning to shake. 

She was going to cum again. 

How many times could she cum in one evening? How many times had she cum on her first honeymoon?

She kissed him, her sweat smearing across his face, and maybe there were a few tears mixed in there, but who needed to know that?

He came inside of her, his cries like a song, and he kept rubbing her as he throbbed, filling her with wet heat that dribbled out around his cock, to add to the puddle of slime and squirt that was already starting to dry on his groin.

She came around him, and she squeezed him so tightly that he sounded like he was in actual pain, and she was almost sorry, but the baby was doing things, kicking her, prodding him, and the both of them were pressed as close as possible, as she finally came down, breathing heavily, dripping down his thighs. 

"Wow," said Dan, and he kissed her. "That was amazing."

"That's the first time we've had sex since I started to show," she pointed out. "It's probably not that different." 

"Well, yeah," said Dan. "But it's still you. Every time we fuck, it's like... it's like the first time."

"What, awkward, uncomfortable, and you don't know what to do with your elbows?" Holly got off of him, slowly, and she flopped down flat on her back next to him, pleasantly exhausted and tingly. 

"Shockingly hot and wonderful, sweet and wet and tight...."

Holly shivered, her exhausted clit perking up with interest in spite of herself 

Then the baby shifted, and Holly groaned, prodding Dan in the side. 

"I need to pee."

"It is just like my first time," he said, and he offered a hand up.

"I feel like I'm leaning more about your history than you might want me to know," Holly teased, standing up slowly and waddling towards the bathroom. 

"I don't kiss and tell," Dan called, as she closed the door and sat down.

She was laughing hard enough - she didn't even know why that was funny, it just _was_ \- that she started peeing immediately. 

Some of the shell shock was starting to wear off, and it was sinking in. 

They were married.

She looked down at her gold ring, with its little musical notes, and she sighed. 

Her necklace was cool against her skin, and the baby shifted inside of her. 

She sighed, and she finally relaxed completely, her eyes closing and her lips curving in a small smile.

* * *

The two days were... they were lovely. 

They were quiet - Holly and Dan fucked, they kissed, they went on a picnic, they showered together. 

It was a quiet little oasis - he even went to look at birds with her, a small mini-hike to the little wooded area by the cabin. 

His parents left them a basket, full of leftover wedding cake and vegetarian delights. 

Dan... Dan came back to her.

That was the only way she could describe it. 

He had been so anxious, so busy, so full of the idea of preparing for the baby, and now... well, now he wasn't thinking of the future, he was just inhabiting the now, and she hadn't realized how much she had missed that. 

* * * 

She was sad to see the little cabin go - it was the end of their honeymoon.

But she missed her birbs, she missed her cats, she missed Ross like a limb, she missed Suzy, she even missed Arin, to her own shock. 

* * * 

“So what’s this new song you wrote?” Holly shifted in her seat as they settled into their spot on the plane. 

“Oh! It’s on my phone,” said Dan. “Hold on….”

She put her headphones in, and she listened in. 

* * * 

“Are you _kidding_ me?!” 

“... so you don’t think it’s funny?” 

* * * 

“He did what?” Suzy raised an eyebrow, bustling around the kitchen. 

“He wrote - and is about to release - a song about how awesome it is to, and I quote “bang a pregnant honey.””” 

The baby hiccuped again in her belly, shifting, and Holly glared down at it. 

She was approaching the end of the seventh month. 

She wanted to stop being pregnant. 

So badly. 

“You think people will be able to connect that to you being pregnant?” Suzy put a plate of pasta in front of Holly. 

“... I hadn’t even thought of that,” said Holly making a face. 

She took a bite out of her pasta - it was spinach based, and it had a lovely texture against her teeth. 

And all she wanted lately was green food. Spinach, kale, broccoli, celery….

Maybe she wasn’t having a baby. Maybe she was having a rabbit. 

“Well, I mean, some people have guessed, because of the tattoo, and now people have seen your ring, and they’ve seen his ring….” Suzy was clearly trying to be delicate.

She also didn’t like green pasta, and was pushing it around her plate.

Holly switched their plates up. 

Waste not want not!

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I’m gonna do it.” 

“Do what?”

“I’m gonna tell them.”

“Who?” 

“All of them.” 

“...what?” 

Holly put her fork down, with a determined look on her face. 

It was rather ruined by the hiccup. 

* * * 

“Hey tweethearts, how’s it goin’? Today I’ve got a bit of a special episode, talking about something near and dear to me. So I’ve got Dan with me, and I’ve got Ross. And today, we’re gonna talk about polyamory.”

* * * 

“So we did it,” said Holly, leaning against Dan, holding Ross’s hand. 

Ross squeezed her fingers, and they all snuggled up to each other, 

"Yep," said Dan. 

"You’re gonna lose so many fans,” said Ross, snuggling closer.

Dan snorted. 

"If I was gonna lose fans, I'd have lost them already," said Dan, and he nuzzled his face into her hair. "What with the whole admitting I had a love of my life."

"There are _so_ many Tumblr fans being vindicated right now," Holly murmured, pulling them both closer to her, bracketing her in heat and familiarity. 

Dan had a hand on her belly, and the baby kicked against his palm. 

Holly made a face.

Ross put his hand on the other side of it, and the baby pinballed between their palms.

"At least someone is getting something out of it," said Holly, her head on Dan's shoulder. 

"Hey man," said Ross, "think of how many cuck jokes I'm gonna get."

Dan snorted. 

Holly rolled her eyes, but she was grinning as her eyes drifted shut. 

She didn't want to be anywhere else.

* * *

_Would it be weird if I invited you over while Arin was here?_

Holly glanced down at her phone, as Dan put the finishing touches on the crib. 

Dan leaned back, admiring his handiwork, and Holly, from her spot on the rocking chair, gave a thumbs up. 

"Good work!"

"I do my best," said Dan. "And at least I do better than Ross."

Holly snorted, and went back to her phone. 

_We've hung out at your place with Arin being there before._

_Well, yeah, but he'd be interested in hanging out with us at the time._

_Like a double date?_

_I dunno if there's a word for it. But he's making out with you sometimes and I'm making out with you sometimes so it's not like anyone will be shocked._

_True enough._

"Would you be okay with me going to Suzy's place in the near future, to mess around with her and Arin?" 

Dan gave a thumbs up. 

"Give me and Ross a chance to do some solo date stuff."

"Solo date stuff." Holly's voice was deadpan.

"Yeah man," said Dan. "Hot blowies and watching football."

"Ross doesn't care about football," Holly said. 

"Well, no, but I can convince him." Dan waggled his eyebrows and his tongue at the same time, looking like nothing so much as a Balinese mask.

Holly burst out laughing, and she grinned. 

"Awesome," she said, running her hands through his hair as he leaned down to kiss her. 

He rubbed noses with her, then got on his knees, kissing her belly, then stood up, his knees popping like someone dancing over a bag of potato chips. 

"I'm going to go drink a beer and feel all competent and masculine," he told her, flexing theatrically. 

Holly snorted, standing up slowly. 

She was almost eight months in. 

The baby was huge. 

She wasn't so much a person anymore - she was a means of conveying another person around.

At least, that was what it was feeling like. 

At least Dan saw her as a person.

Most of the time. 

* * *

"You look gorgeous," said Arin, as Holly stepped in, kicking her shoes off carefully. He took her hands, and he kissed her knuckles. 

Holly smiled at him in spite of herself. 

"It's nice of you to say that," she said, and she made a face as her belly jumped. 

The baby was turning over again. 

"It's the truth," Arin said, leading her to the living room.

There was already a pizza on the coffee table, topped with mushrooms and bell peppers. 

She licked her lips, and her stomach growled. 

"Thanks," she said, and she meant it. 

"Of course," said Suzy, coming in from a different part of the house.

She wasn't wearing any makeup, her hair was tied back, and her clothes were comfortable, loose.

She looked so much like herself that Holly wanted to cry a bit, and that was more hormonal bullshit.

When she had her own body back, maybe she wouldn't cry so much. 

That was an _excellent_ thought.

* * *

They ate pizza and they watched Deadpool, and Holly laughed so hard at Arin's impression of Ajax that she nearly snorted water out of her nose, which had Arin and Suzy both fussing over her. 

There was... something up.

She couldn't put her finger on it, exactly, but there was some kind of... tension in the air, between the married couple. 

They were both lavishing her with attention, which was lovely - who wouldn't want to be pampered by a gorgeous man and gorgeous woman? - but they weren't really interacting with each other. 

Suzy had mentioned, offhand, that they'd been fighting a lot lately, but... well, that wasn't really her business.

Their relationship with each other was different from their relationship with her, and she was going to keep it that way. 

She got up to pee halfway through the movie, and was kind of startled when she came back. 

They were... kinda glaring at each other, with enough force that it was a bit unsettling, and she sat between them, before things could get more heated. 

Suzy was the one who leaned over and kissed her, and Holly kissed Suzy back, her hands sliding up to cup the other woman's cheeks.

Arin was against Holly's back, his hands sliding along her belly, moving to her breasts, kneading them gently as he kissed along the back of her neck.

Holly broke the kiss with Suzy, leaning over so she could kiss Arin, as Holly began to unbutton the front of her dress, kissing along the top of her bra. 

"You got a new one," Suzy said, and she sounded delighted. 

"I kinda had to," Holly said, self conscious. "I mean, I've gone up two cup sizes."

"And it's _wonderful_ ," Suzy said, pressing her face between Holly's breasts and shaking her head, ever so slightly. 

At least she wasn't going to motorboat Holly. 

The last time she'd done that, Holly had accidentally kicked her in the knee.

“I hope you’ll like my boobs when they get back to normal,” said Holly, and a tinge of anxiety was sliding down her back, like cold water. 

“I’ll adore you just as much when you’re not pregnant,” Arin said, and he nuzzled her cheek, kissing along her jaw.

“Me too,” said Suzy. “I promise.”

“I dunno,” Holly said, as Suzy’s hands slid under her bra, pinching her nipples gently. “What are you gonna do without your preggo fix?”

“I mean… you’re not the only one who can get pregnant,” said Arin. 

Suzy froze, and then she was grabbing Holly by the hair, and she kissed Holly with a renewed vigour, hard and desperate, her tongue deep in Holly’s mouth, as Arin pushed her dress lower, kissing along Holly’s back, over either side of her spine, and it was giving her goosebumps, kissing wetly, until there was a mouth on either side of her, Suzy latched onto her nipple, Arin kissing along her back, sucking and biting. 

They ended up in the bedroom - the main bedroom, either, and Holly wasn’t sure if she was entirely comfortable with that, in and of itself, but she was comfortable being between the two of them, comfortable on her side, with Arin behind her.

“Can I put my dick in you?” Arin kissed along her shoulders, then lower, taking deep, snuffling breaths. 

“You couldn’t have put it in a more sexy way?” Suzy sounded annoyed, as she kissed along Holly’s breast, then taking Holly’s nipple into her mouth and sucking on it, hard enough that something… interesting went down in her breasts.

She’d felt what she suspected to be “letting down’ a few times, but now Suzy was pulling back, making a face.

“You’re leaking,” she told Holly.

“Now who’s being gross?” Arin made a face.

“There’s a difference between conveying information and just asking if you could stick your dick in someone,” 

“Holly’s not someone. Holly is Holly.”

“Holly doesn’t appreciate you talking about her - about _me_ \- like I’m not in the room,” said Holly, her voice a bit sharper than she intended it to be. 

But fuck it. 

She wasn’t going to be some token for them to use in their argument. 

“Arin, put your dick in me,” said Holly, to stem the argument. 

“Are you gonna tell her off for that?” 

Arin was wriggling his sweatpants down, kicking them off, and then he was pushing her skirt up, around her butt. 

Oh, his cock was lovely - hot, wet, stiff in a way that nothing else was. 

“Suzy,” Holly said, reaching down between Suzy’s legs to squeeze her vulva through her shorts. “Can I eat you out?”

“... sure, if you can figure out how to do it without putting the baby in any kind of jeopardy.”

"You could lie on your side, have my head on your thighs?" 

"That could work," Suzy allowed.

There was some more awkward scuffling, and Holly lost her dress at some point, her dress and her panties, and she was naked, her pussy visible for Arin, who was holding her open with his thumbs. 

"God, you're fucking gorgeous," Arin said, and there was genuine reverence in his voice.

"I know, right?" Suzy met his eyes over Holly's body, and some of the tension in the room broke.

Thank god they finally agreed on something. 

She was gonna have a talk with them later, about keeping her _out_ of their relationship squabbles. 

At a time when she wasn't being eaten out. 

Or when Suzy's thighs were spreading open, and Holly was able to lean in, kissing awkwardly along the soft skin.

Suzy gasped when Holly got to her pussy, and she squirmed, her toes curling against Holly's back, and then Arin was pushing his thumb into Holly, and Holly moaned into Suzy's pussy, which made Suzy squirm and make a surprised noise. 

Holly had missed this. Being intimate with Suzy, being fucked by someone who didn't seem too worried about hurting her.

She began to lick, going from Suzy's clit to jab inside, then back to the clit, as Suzy mewled and gasped, her toes curling and her legs going tighter and tighter on either side of Holly's head. 

Arin's facial hair was ticklish as it tickled along her thigh, as Arin's tongue began to lick her clit, and Holly ground back against him awkwardly, the baby somersaulting inside, and that was... that was weird, but she was almost used to it.

What would it be like, to have a rush of feel good hormones with the freeloader wriggling and kicking?

She could only dream.

* * *

It was the first time that Arin had used his dick on her, in her, and she paused in her licking to... savor it. 

It was, admittedly, hard to concentrate, with Suzy grinding against her, and she was back to eating Suzy out almost immediately, but that first slip in... _fuck_ , it was amazing. 

The initial push, then the slow slide in, filling her up, hot and thick, as she clenched around him. 

He moaned, and his hands were (carefully) on her hips, and she began to suck on Suzy's clit, as Suzy held on to her hair, awkwardly, still balanced on her side. 

Everyone was on their side - there were going to be some sore shoulders, to go with the lovely tingling genitals.

... wow, she was getting weird, if that was a line of thought she was pursuing.

Then Arin began to rub her clit with his thumb, and it was enough to make her hump against him, and then Suzy was cumming, and Holly pulled back to take a breath, as Arin's lovely cock split her open.

He was good at this.

He was really good at this.

She was so going to ride him when she was no longer pregnant, and felt like sex again. 

Whenever that might be.

She went back to sucking and licking at Suzy, one hand coming out awkwardly, to hold Suzy's legs further apart, and she licked harder, as Arin did something interesting with his hips that made the head of his cock brush against her g-spot, and then she was cumming around him, she was whimpering into Suzy's pussy, and Suzy was pulling away and shimmying down to kiss her, tasting her own arousal on Holly's face.

Holly lay there, content, as Arin fucked her steadily, evenly, until he was cumming inside of her, thick and hot and creamy. 

It came out of her in a gush, dripping down one thigh, as he pulled out. 

"Fuck," said Arin, and kissed along her back, licking some of her sweat up.

She shuddered, and flopped onto her back as well, her belly like an island rising out of the deeps. 

"This is gonna be a big baby," said Suzy, her hand right over Holly's navel. 

The baby kicked against it, and Holly sighed. 

"Big strong boy?" Arin kissed her on the belly, and she squirmed - the skin was sensitive. 

"Could be a big strong girl," Suzy pointed out. 

"Yeah," said Arin, and he looked... wistful. "I'd like to have a girl." 

Suzy froze up next to Holly, and Holly, perhaps emboldened by her orgasm, perhaps just low on patience (the baby was eight goddamn pounds and she still had a month and a half of this. 

"I'd best be going," said Holly, and she sat up, mainly through sheer force of will.

"What?!" Both of the faces staring up at her looked... shocked. 

Hurt.

There was a twinge of guilt, but again.

Fuck it. 

She wasn't gonna be the thing they used to sublimate their anxiety about their relationship, or their fear of reproducing, or whatever else it was that was bothering them.

Also, she wanted to sleep. Eat a bunch, and sleep. 

"I don't know what's bothering you," Holly said, bending down slowly to pick up her dress and pulling it over her head.

Her breasts were leaking onto it, but that was a problem for the future. She just buttoned it up.

She didn't know where her underwear was either, but fuck it. 

She padded (well, waddled) resolutely to the living room, as Suzy and Arin followed after her, naked and confused. 

"You can't just leave!"

"I can and I am," said Holly. She shoved her feet into her flip-flops (thank god for flip-flops) and turned around. "I love you guys. Both of you. I love you a lot. But I'm not putting up with... this." She made a vague hand motion.

Arin and Suzy both looked crestfallen, which is quite a look when you're naked and post coitally sweaty. 

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," said Holly. "You guys should talk to each other."

She gave each of them a kiss, and she shuffled out, closing the door behind her. 

* * *

“That sounds horrible,” said Ross, as Holly changed into her pajamas and flopped onto the bed. 

The blankets were warm and comforting, and she had a cookie.

There were worse places to be.

“Those two need to deal with whatever their issue is,” Holly mumbled, finishing her cookie and brushing the crumbs off of the bed. She’d vacuum in the morning. 

“Arin wants a baby,” said Ross. “Suzy is a bit more hesitant.”

“How can you tell?”

“I’ve got eyes,” Ross said, and he yawned. “I think that Dan is gonna be home late.”

“Yeah, he’s doing a thing with Brian,” said Holly, her eyes drifting shut as her head hit the pillow. “I think Suzy might swing by at some point.”

“What, this late?” Ross wrapped an arm around her, as Mojo and Orph came to join them. 

Orph was purring so loudly, it was making her skin vibrate. 

“Yeah,” said Holly. “She’s just taking advantage of the insomnia.” 

Ross kissed her, and she lay back, her eyes sliding shut. 

* * * 

She was woken up, some hours later, by Dan. He looked disheveled, and there was what appeared to be lipstick on his lips. 

“Hols?”

“Mmm?” Holly rubbed her eyes, sitting up awkwardly, floundering a bit in the soft mattress. 

“Is it okay if me and Suzy fuck?” 

“... what?”

“Suzy. She’s downstairs. We were kind of making out. Is it okay if I fuck her?”

Holly yawned widely, her brain still sluggish. 

“Go for it,” she said sleepily. 

“Love you, pigeon,” said Dan, and he kissed her forehead.

“Love you too,” Holly murmured, snuggling into her pillows.

This was weird. Maybe it was a dream.

Or maybe their belligerent sexual tension was finally coming to a head. 

She’d masturbated to the idea a few times, so why not?

Maybe this was all a dream.

Whatever.

She was drifting back to sleep, even as the baby began to wake up. 

* * * 

She woke up in the morning with Dan wrapped around her. 

He smelled faintly like Suzy, and he had lipstick on his cheek and wasn’t wearing any pants.

His hand was on her belly, and his lips were in her hair. 

He was snuffling quietly. 

He woke up when she sat up, and he looked over at her, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. 

“Hi, gorgeous.”

“Did you really sleep with Suzy?”

“Yep,” said Dan, and he looked a bit sheepish. “It, uh… it wasn’t that good.” 

“Why’d you do it?”

He looked even more embarrassed. 

“Well, uh… she came over to apologize, and didn’t want to deal with Arin, and Arin was apparently sulking about something, and she was gonna see if you were gonna wake up, since you’ve been having so much trouble sleeping, but then we were watching a movie, and, uh… things escalated.”

“Escalated?” Holly raised an eyebrow.

“You know how it is,” said Dan. 

Holly snorted, and she kissed him.

She wasn’t… jealous. 

That was a surprise. Especially as tumultuous as her emotions had been lately. 

Mainly she was tired. 

“Are things gonna escalate like that again?”

“God no,” said Dan, with enough vehemence that Holly had to laugh, which woke up Ross. 

“What’s going on?”

“Dan fucked Suzy.”

“What, really?”

“Yeah.”

“... huh.”

“Why is everyone so shocked? Suzy is a beautiful woman!” 

Dan sounded something close to defensive.

“She is a very beautiful woman,” Ross agreed, rolling onto his side so he could put his hand on Holly’s stomach. “But you guys get on each other’s tits.”

“I sure got on her tits,” Dan said, with a lecherous expression.

Holly groaned, and she forced herself upright, making her way towards the bathroom. 

* * * 

The contractions started pretty soon after that. 

The first one came on when she was streaming, and she dropped the paintbrush, both hands on her belly.

The chat exploded, and she smiled weakly at the camera. 

“I’ll be right back,” she said, and she headed to the bathroom, breathing heavily. 

Was she going into early labor? 

No, these were probably Braxton-Hicks. 

Goddamn it. 

* * * 

“I hate this,” Holly moaned, two weeks later, lying in bed, both hands on her belly. 

“Hate what?” Dan was rubbing her feet, and he winced in sympathy as another contraction hit her. 

“All of this,” Holly mumbled, indicating along her body. 

“Well,” said Dan, “you’re almost ready. The baby even dropped!”

It was true- the baby was now low enough on her that it was in her lap when she sat down. 

She couldn’t wait to have her body back. 

At least Arin and Suzy had gotten over whatever it was they had been arguing about - they even apologized to her. 

But fuck… she just wanted this all to be _done_. 

“This is your fault,” she told Dan, and she prodded him with her foot. 

“I’m sorry,” said Dan, and he kissed her toes. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“You’ll carry a watermelon around for months?” 

“How dare you call my son a watermelon,” Ross said, from his spot next to her.

“It’s a girl,” said Dan. 

“It’s a boy,” said Ross.

“It’s probably human,” said Holly. 

There was a pause. 

“Have you thought of names?” 

“I still think we should name her Amalthea.”

“ _No,_ ” said Holly and Ross at the same time. 

“You’re no fun,” Dan grumbled. 

“We’ll each get to give it a name,” said Holly, with an air of finality. 

“What about Amalthea as a middle name?”

“Maybe,” said Holly, and she yawned. 

* * * 

Her water broke when she was trying to sleep.

She was on the couch, petting a cat, and then there was wetness pooling in her lap.

She hadn’t been able to lie down comfortable - she hadn’t been able to do _anything_ comfortable - since the baby had dropped, and now she was just… miserable. 

She wasn’t sleeping, she wasn’t really eating, she wasn’t doing anything but being pregnant. 

She was so fucking tired of it all.

Dan was next to her, and he frowned when she made a distressed noise. 

“You okay?” 

“I think my water just broke.”

Her voice was very calm. 

“What?!” 

His wasn’t. 

“Hospital,” said Holly, and she stood up.

She’d been having contractions all day, but… well… it was official. 

“Right,” said Dan, and he stood up, grabbing the baby bag. “We can call Ross on the way there.”

* * * 

Dan tripped on the way out the door, and they arrived at the hospital with a bleeding nose.

“So are you here for a broken nose?” The admissions nurse looked slightly nonplussed.

“It’s not broken,” Dan said, his voice defensive. “It’s just… bleeding.”

“I’m in labor,” Holly said flatly. 

Ross was on his way. 

Suzy and Arin would be here… at some point. 

And now she was in a hospital gown, and she was pacing.

“That can’t be good for the baby,” said Dan, as Holly did another circuit of the room, pausing now and then as another contraction hit. 

She’d done her research, at least - she wasn’t going to be flat on her back with her feet in stirrups if she could help it. 

And she was pacing. 

“The doctor said it was safe,” Holly said shortly, and then she was pausing, as another contraction hit her. 

“If you’re sure,” said Dan, and his whole face was a mass of worry. 

He was more anxious than she was.

Which was saying something. 

* * * 

Brian showed up with Ross.

Ross bright her an orange, which was appreciated, except… well, she didn’t want to eat anything.

“How are you doing?” 

“I’m doing fine,” said Holly, after the doctor had finally persuaded her back in bed.

The contractions were closer together now, and the shape of her belly was changing.

It was fucking creepy.

* * * 

She didn’t remember much from the rest of that evening.

Arin and Suzy showed up, and someone had a camera. 

She was given pain medicine, and ice to suck on.

She was sitting up, and she was holding her knees to her chest, Dan on one side, Ross on the other. 

She was… there was… it was pain.

It was pain and it was… something, some indescribable feeling she never wanted to feel again, something that she hated.

And then there was crying. 

Loud, honest to god crying. 

“It’s a girl,” said the doctor, as Holly let go of the baby’s legs. 

“I like girls,” Holly said. “Her name is Wren.”

The name came out of nowhere, and maybe she’d regret it in the future, but for now… fuck it. 

“That’s a good name,” said the doctor. 

“Thank you,” said Holly, and then she passed out. 

* * * 

She came to a few minutes later, as the doctor put a needle of some kind into her arm.

“What is that?”

“It’ll get your blood pressure back up,” said the doctor. 

“Can I see the baby?”

“Your husband… I mean, your, uh, your tall husband… he passed out,” said the doctor. He looked a bit uncomfortable.

They’d explained the whole “two husbands” thing, at some point. 

“Here she is,” said the nurse, and then the person that Holly had grown was being lain out on her stomach. 

Holly stared down at the baby - at Wren.

She had long dark eyelashes, a tuft of thick, curly hair, and her eyes were huge and pale.

She was red and squished looking, and still warm from being inside of Holly’s body.

She was screaming. 

The nurse showed Holly how to take her breast out, to give it to the baby to nurse, and then she had latched on, and Holly made a surprised noise. 

Everything seemed very far away, almost in a fishbowl. 

Ross was next to her, holding her hand, and Dan was standing up, groggy, and looking down at the two of them with an expression that mingled terror with delight. 

“What’s her name?” Dan reached out a cautious hand, reached out to touch the baby’s head, then brought his hand back and touched Holly’s instead. 

“Wren,” said Holly. 

“You gave her quite the middle name,” said Brian. He looked amused. 

“I did?”

“Wren Firefly Katelyn Avidan O’Donovan Conrad,” said Brian.

“She’s gonna need a folding business card,” said Arin, and for some reason, that struck Holly as the funniest thing ever.

She was laughing so hard that she almost threw up, the pain and the dizziness leaving her swimming and gasping. 

Dan put a hand on her back, his long fingers spread wide enough that he was touching both of her shoulder blades.

“Are you okay?” His voice was full of concern.

“We made a person,” Holly said thickly. 

“We did,” Dan agreed. 

“She’s a real person. She’s got fingernails.”

Wren stared up at Holly with that slightly concussed expression that all new babies have. 

Then Holly’s brain caught up with her ears.

“Wait, Firefly?”

“I passed out,” Dan said, his voice defensive.

Holly snorted, which disturbed the baby, who began to scream again. 

Holly looked up at the nurse with a panicked expression. 

The nurse sighed, and came closer to the bed. 

* * * 

Two days later, Ross drove them home. 

Holly held Wren to her chest protectively, and Dan sat with her in the back seat, crowding close to them. He was staring down at the baby with a goofy, open expression that was faintly ridiculous. 

Holly was… she was afraid. 

She was afraid of the baby dying, more than she was afraid of herself dying, she was afraid she was going to do something wrong and hurt the baby.

Everything felt… wrong. Weird. Strange.

At least Wren was a very calm baby. 

Also a big one.

A very big one.

The nurses had been impressed. 

And Dan was going to be home with her and the baby for a while yet. 

So far, Wren didn’t feel like a person. Holly stuck her breast into the yawning mouth, she cleaned up the other end, she cuddled her and rocked her to sleep. 

It was a bit like working with a pigeon. 

Minus the cuteness.

Plus many more diapers. 

* * * 

Holly put the baby to bed, in her nursery. 

She managed to last ten minutes, before she was back in the room with her.

What if Wren stopped breathing? What if she choked?

Holly stood over the crib, wobbly with exhaustion, and she watched as Wren breathed.

"Hey," said Ross, his voice quiet, coming right up behind her, his arms around her sore middle, his chin on her shoulder. "You should get some sleep."

"What if... something happens to her?" Holly put her hand down, resting it on Wren's chest.

It rose in time with the baby's breathing. 

"Nothing is gonna happen to her," said Ross. 

"But -"

"I'll stay here and watch her," said Ross, and he kissed her. 

"You don't mind?"

"I mean," said Ross, "I am her dad." He made an amused noise. "I'm the only one who gave her a normal name."

"Wren is a normal name," Holly said. 

"Firefly?"

"That was Dan."

"You still let them do it."

"You give birth to a ten pound baby," Holly grumbled, "and then you make sense."

"Go sleep," said Ross. "You need it."

"Are you sure? Maybe she can sleep with me?"

"That'd be a bad idea," said Ross. "You wouldn't be able to sleep because you'd be worried about squishing her."

Holly sighed, and she made her way back to her room, as Ross stood over the crib. 

She slept fitfully, and was woken up two hours later by Wren's demands for food. 

* * *

Dan found her standing over the crib two nights later, still shaking from exhaustion, watching Wren breathe. 

He wrapped his arms around her, and he kissed her on the cheek, rocking her. 

"You need to sleep, pigeon," he said. 

"But what if - "

"I'll stay here," Dan said. "And... we'll figure out a solution."

"A solution?"

"You can't just stand over this until she's eighteen," said Dan, pushing her hair aside to kiss her neck, gently, leaving her skin all prickled. "We'll figure something out."

"Right," said Holly, and she yawned widely. 

"But for now, go sleep while you can." Dan chuckled quietly. "She's gonna be hungry in like an hour."

Holly gave a vague thumbs up and stumbled back into bed.

Dan was even more worried about her than he was - she knew if something happened then he would be able to fix it. 

Or at least wake her up so they could both deal with it.

* * * 

Dan went out the next day, taking his van, and he wouldn't tell her what he was doing. 

He came back with a very large box and a cinnamon roll.

Holly, watching a movie as she nursed Wren, glanced up, and made a surprised noise when the wax paper landed on the couch next to her. 

"What's up?"

"Just... stay out of the bedroom for a few hours," said Dan. "I've got a surprise for you."

"... okay," said Holly, switching Wren to her other breast. 

She felt like a cow - Wren was always hungry, always nursing, always wanting to nurse more.

She was already turning into a butter ball. 

Orph was by her side, purring, and Holly was already tired of being touched. 

But Wren's eyes were open, and she was blinking up at Holly, still wearing that concussed expression that is universal to all new young things. 

* * *

Dan came back, three hours later, red faced and panting, but looking very satisfied with himself. 

"Can I find out what my surprise is?" Wren was over Holly's shoulder being burped on an old dish towel. 

"In a minute," said Dan, making grabby hands. "Let me hold my baby."

"Our baby," Holly reminded him, jiggling Wren a little bit as she fussed. 

"She's my baby sometimes," Dan said, and he took her, cradling her carefully. "I think she's got my nose."

"Of course you do," Holly murmured, leaning against him and closing her eyes. 

She fell asleep like that, inhaling the sweet milk scent of her daughter and the dry cinnamon campfire of Dan.

* * *

"Hi, baby," Dan murmured, and Holly blinked awake, but didn't move.

It was nice to lie here and not have to do anything. 

"Hi," said Dan. "You're so tiny, aren't you? You're so pretty - you're the most beautiful baby in the world."

Holly snorted. 

"Pigeons are cuter," she mumbled, burrowing closer into Dan's side. 

"I'd disagree," said Dan, and he made an amused noise, as Wren latched onto his finger. "I think she's hungry."

"Greedy guts," Holly said, sitting up and yawning, rubbing her eyes. 

"She wants to be big and strong like her Daddy," said Dan, and his face was... it was soft, and it was tender.

"She's gonna end up with your hair," said Holly. 

"Brian was saying I should be careful," said Dan. "About my hair, I mean."

"Yeah?" Holly shoved her shirt up, reached for Wren, balancing a pillow on her knee.

"Yeah," said Dan. "When she starts teething, she might end up with a giant hairball in her tummy."

"That's not gonna happen," Ross said, coming in with a bowl of oatmeal and putting it in front of Holly. 

"How do you know?" Holly sighed, as Wren latched on and began to nurse greedily. 

"Because," said Ross, "that kinda shit doesn't happen."

"But it could," Dan said, and now he was legitimately looking anxious. 

"But it won't," Ross said, leaning down to kiss Holly and pet the baby's head. "I'm going to go clean the cat boxes."

"I need to feed the pigeons," Holly mumbled.

"You could use that sling that Morgan got you," said Dan. "So you can keep nursing while you do it."

"I dunno if I'm up to that level of mommyhood yet," said Holly, and then she made a face. "I can't believe I just said that."

"Finish feeding her, then give her here," said Ross. 

"I can hold her," Dan said, defensive.

"But I want to," Ross countered. 

"Fair enough."

* * * 

It was nice not to have a baby attached to her breast. It was nice not to be touched by anyone, even if it only was for about fifteen minutes. 

She gave Feathers some love, cooing at the birds. 

She was still Holly the forest hag, Holly the pigeon keeper. 

Just... with extra. 

* * * 

She came back inside to find Ross and Dan asleep on the couch, Wren on Dan's chest, Ross holding Dan's hand. 

* * * 

When it was time to go to bed, she came upstairs, and then she stopped.

There was what looked like half a crib attached to her side of the bed. 

"Dan?" She called softly, to not wake up Wren.

"D'you like it?" Dan blushed, pleased with himself. "So, uh... so she can sleep nearby and you don't have to get out of bed to check on her."

Holly stood on her tiptoes and kissed him, careful of squishing Wren between them.

"Thanks," she said quietly. "It... it means more than you can understand."

"I can understand," Dan said quietly. "She's my baby too." He gave a long, gusty sigh. “I’m scared too. I get up as often as you do. You’re just too tired to tell, most of the time.” 

Holly snorted. 

“I’ve never been this tired,” she admitted. 

“Well, at least now when you have your late night panic attacks you can deal with them without getting out of bed,” said Dan, flopping onto the bed. 

Holly snorted, and she carefully set Wren down in the crib. 

When she lay down in her usual spot, she could reach her hand out and touch the baby, and she could hear Wren’s quiet breathing. 

She went to sleep, sans anxiety, for the first night in a week. 

* * * 

“Hey tweethearts, how’s it goin’? So today, I wanna introduce everyone to a very special person!” 

* * * 

A month went by. 

All three of them got better at changing diapers. 

Holly’s fear of Wren just… stopping breathing calmed down a bit, at least in part because she was getting a bit more sleep.

She still almost screamed when Dan came in with his hair cut short.

“... I was worried about giant hairballs,” Dan said defensively, and he opened his arms up, reaching greedily. “C’mon, lemme hold my little bird.”

Holly snorted, but she handed Dan his daughter, rubbing her eyes and yawning.

“Suzy is coming over tomorrow,” she told Dan. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. She said she’d do laundry while I had a shower.”

“That sounds nice,” said Dan. “I’ve gotta do a thing with Brian. It’s kinda last minute.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Holly said, and she stood on tiptoe to kiss him. “Ross is gonna be streaming, and Suzy is gonna be here, so it’s not like I’m gonna be totally on my own.”

“Still,” said Dan. “I worry.” He held Wren up, carefully, and she stared at him, her little hands waving. 

Then she filled her diaper, and Dan sighed. 

“She always does that when I’m holding her,” he said, in a resigned tone of voice. 

Holly snorted. 

“C’mon, dollface,” said Dan, heading towards the nursery. “Let’s get you less smelly.”

* * * 

Suzy fussed over Wren. 

Of course she did.

“She’s so _tiny_ ,” Suzy said. 

“She’s gained four pounds,” Holly said, rubbing her eyes. 

Suzy looked so gorgeous - she wasn’t wearing any makeup, but she didn’t have dark circles under her eyes. 

“Well, okay, she’s not tiny-tiny, but she’s tiny for a human being!” Suzy leaned over the blanket that Wren was lying on, looking down at her. 

Her long, dark hair formed a curtain around Wren’s face, and the baby was wriggling, waving her hands and kicking. 

Holly yawned, watching as Suzy put one well manicured hand on Wren’s tummy, and she smiled. 

“She’s not so bad,” Suzy said. “I was worried it’d be… grosser.”

“She’ll poop in like five minutes,” said Holly. 

“Have you memorized her bowel schedule that well?” Suzy looked something between fascinated and horrified.

“No, but whenever someone comments on her being clean, she then isn’t.” 

Suzy snorted. 

“To be honest,” she told Holly, “you’re a bit… ripe.”

Holly made a face. 

“I’m leaking on every shirt I own,” she said, “and since Ross is busy, I can’t just give her to him.”

“Why don’t you take a shower while I’m here? Give you a break.”

“... I love you very much,” Holly said, and that was a shock, just coming out and saying that to Suzy, even though it was true. 

Bone deep exhaustion seemed to take away some of her filters. 

She paused, then went on, still blushing. 

“I love you very much, but I don’t know if I can deal with leaving the baby alone with you.”

“I can sit in the bathroom while you shower,” said Suzy. “If she starts to get fussy you can just take her into the shower with you.”

“Is that safe?”

“Well, we can check,” said Suzy, holding up her phone. 

* * * 

Holly stood under the cascade of hot water, her eyes half shut, as she listened to her girlfriend fuss over her daughter from the toilet seat. 

“Oh, you’re so little,” said Suzy, “but you have your mommy’s eyes.”

“They’ll get darker,” said Holly, as she began to wash under her arms.  
And then Wren began to fuss, and Holly pulled the curtain aside, as Suzy jiggled Wren, rocked her. 

“Shit, wait a second, I’ll be out in a second,” said Holly. 

“No, it’s okay,” said Suzy. “Just… rinse off. I’ll come in with you.” 

“... what?”

“Skin to skin contact is good, right?”

Holly rinsed off quickly, patted her arms down a bit so she was less slippery, and she held her arms out.

Wren was naked, and she was squirming as Holly held her, the baby’s ear against her cheek. 

Suzy made short work of getting naked, and then she was climbing into the shower with her, and she was opening her arms up, for Wren, for Holly, for both of them.

Holly let herself be held, her forehead against Suzy’s shoulder, the warm water beating down on her back. 

Wren was quiet now, cooing occasionally, but otherwise content.

“She missed her mom,” said Suzy quietly. 

“I missed you,” Holly told Suzy, and she kissed Suzy, with her rough lips and stale breath.

Suzy kissed her back. 

Wren peed down Holly’s stomach.

Suzy burst out laughing, and it echoed in the shower stall, which set Wren to fussing, which get Holly to start rocking and fussing over her again. 

Well, the moment was nice while it was lasted. 

* * * 

A week later, Holly sat in the backyard, watching the pigeons doing their own thing in their loft. 

She was nursing Wren, watching the sunset, and she was at something like peace.

Arin and Suzy had come over, and Wren had fallen asleep on Arin. soothed by the rise and fall of his chest.

And she… wasn’t afraid of her dying.

Oh, the fear was still crouching in the back of her mind like some kind of vile toad, but she was no longer held in its metaphorical talons. 

Things were going to be okay.

“There’s my greedy guts,” said Dan, and he sat down on the bench next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing her temple, then reaching down to ruffle Wren’s hair. 

“That’s not very nice,” Holly said. 

“She’s had her mouth on your boobs more than I have, and I like to think I’m very much a boob connoisseur,” said Dan. “Anyway, she’ll grow up big and strong!”

“Or a beanpole like you,” said Holly. 

Overhead, the sky turned a deep, dark blue. 

Around them, fireflies began to flicker. 

Holly leaned against Dan, and she sighed gustily. 

Everything was terrifying and strange, and this was not where she had planned to be. 

But she could work with it. 

Especially if she had Dan with her.


End file.
